American Shenanigans

"So how's ya day been?"

America was well aware of the cultural differences he had between him and the rest of Europe. Well, maybe all of Europe except for England since he isn't apart of it anymore. Anyhow, it was a stark contrast when comparing.

All of Europe except for the Mediterranean always felt so gloomy and cold. It's like the weather reflects the peoples personalities! That definitely seemed to be the case as he stood in line at the Austrian coffee shop. 

He tried to strike up a conversation with some person who was also waiting in line, but he was completely ignored. What is up with that anyways? Do people in Austria just wake up and stick a stick up their ass? What's got them in a bad mood anyways? 

The blond internally groaned as he took a few steps forward in the line. He knew Europeans weren't the most social by stereotype, but this was absolutely painful. It wasn't like there was any kind of city hustle or rush like in NYC or some crowded city. Everyone seems to be pretty relaxed right now. 

It threw his mind into a loop, just how can people be so sad and gloomy? This is why the world needs America! Back at home he would've made a nice friend already, but right here he stands alone and feels extremely cold. Colder than ever. 

"Order #34, Order #34!"

America perked up at hearing his order number. Getting out of his seat, he went to grab his coffee. 

He was in Austria for something about chocolate companies and Austria being kind of a dick, but thankfully the meeting was over for now. Although the meeting was over, he still had files to work on. 

Setting his coffee down and opening up his laptop, he got to work on some of these dumb files. He grimaced looking at all the numbers listed out on one singular page. Thankfully he brought a calculator, but it seemed like that wasn't even enough either. America resignedly reached into his bag and pulled out a notebook and a pen. 

This was going to be a long day.

Getting to work on the files, one by one he began to clear them out. Tax files on them, sign this, review that, check up on these calculations, estimate the total cost of these things,  it was seemingly bottomless. Why the hell did all these things have to be filled with so many words? When the hell did people have to start writing in fucking essays? 

In the middle of cursing formal English, he heard a tap on his table. Looking up, America looked at a seemingly young guy at his table. "Err, hello? Sorry to bother you, but could I sit here? All the other seats were taken up.."

Given the news, America looked around at the store to see that the entire café was fully seated. He shrugged in his mind. To be fair, European places were small to begin with. No wonder it was filled up.

America gave his usual hero smile and nodded, "Go right on ahead." In courtesy, America began moving his bags and notes to his side of the table to give some room to the guy. 

The dude was pretty normal look except for that weird thing that's sticking out from his hair. He would've asked if the dude was Italian had it not been for the visual fact that the stray piece of hair wasn't a curl. 

Even though the guy was normal, something just felt different about him. The way he dressed wasn't a problem nor did he look sick. America stared at the guy, who is this man and why does he feel different from everyone else in the café?

Rummaging his mind, he dug through his memories of who this guy possibly could be. It wasn't like he knew every single European in the continent, but he should at least be able to tell something if he felt different from the rest. America knew his gut feelings were rarely wrong, so he dove deeper into his memory.

And then it clicked.

The guy was a country. 

"Hey wait a second, aren't you Slo.." America trailed off, pausing for a thought. Which Slo- was it? The nation looked at him with a deadpan expression, eyes waiting for America to continue so he can judge him. 

America felt anxiety creep up his arm, was it Slovenia or Slovakia?? He was Mr. Worldwide, but there were a lot of countries who he has had little time with. The image of Slovenia and Slovakia were overlapping, especially their names. Who thought having similar names was a good idea?

After a moment of hard thinking in the tense silence between them, America hesitantly spoke, "... Slovakia?"

Silence bore between the two. Shit, he got it wrong didn't he? Oh god this is not a good impression at all. America could feel regret draping over him as the latter looked at him with judgmental eyes. 

The other then spoke, "Congrats, you actually got it right this time." The feelings of regret immediately slipped out of America. Jumping up, he excitedly asked, "Wait, really?!" Only to be given the stares of the people in the café. America embarrassingly sunk back down in his seat, muttering an apology. To hell with all this European anti-socialness. 

Slovakia laughed at America as he sunk even further down his seat, "Oh come on, don't be a bummer. Mishaps always happen." America grunted at that, sitting back up properly to talk to the Central European nation. 

The thing is, he didn't really know what to say. So with his exceedingly natural conversation skills, he asked, "Soooo...... How's ya day been?"

America already regretted starting the conversation off like that, nice going America. Now Slovakia knows you're not a god of socializing. You utter fool. You absolute tyrannical pig. Go jump in a ditch and never return. 

In contrast to the American's expectations, Slovakia actually responded. He took a large gulp of coffee before heaving out what could only be some combination of a groan and a sigh. 

Slovakia started, "My gods America, my day has been by far the worst of all time. You want to know what that guy Austria has been up to? He's been nagging me endlessly about being 'too carefree' or 'being a hoarder' like he's any better!" 

America was not prepared for this, "Wait I didn't actually mean-"

The Slovak was starting and he was not going to stop. "The guy must be insanely dense to not note that I've been the one who been unwillingly cleaning his house! You'd think he'd be all prim and proper until you find a wine glass in the underwear drawer. Not only that, Czechia is also coming 2 days late for this meeting because apparently there's been some kind of bar rage happening over at her place that's causing a delay. God, what is up with the world nowadays?"

The American was now a leg deep into Slovakia's tangent, and he really didn't want to hear about what came next, "Uhhh y'know what Slovakia? I think Imma have to go to the bathroom for just a bit!"

And like that, he made his grandiose escape to the cramped restrooms of the café and sat on the toilet for a moment.  

God, why did "How's ya day been" have to not be a greeting in Europe?