Even then they had no business being around one another. I'd break Ava down if she ever, I wish she would, I'd be in jail.
They started actually dating when my mom turned seventeen. I guess they felt that was the safest time for them to be together. During that time my mom helped him get off the street and become something better. He had already started his business but my mom put in a lot of work in order to help his career take off. And not long after that she got pregnant with me.
I think the age difference played a huge role in why he became controlling. He was twenty-three while she was seven teen. She was younger not necessarily ready to be an adult. He took an advantage of that and used that to control her every move and decision. My dad wants everything to be his way or the highway.
"Speaking of my mom.."
He looked up and stopped going through the pictures we had in front of us.
"What happened?"
"I reached out to her the other day, she's supposed to be coming by to talk
"I'm proud of you, that's great. I know you two have issues but I think y'all need to get it together. She deserves to know her grandchild.."
"I just don't want my mom to walk in and out of my life constantly. If my dad says go she'll come around and then when he says stop she'll be gone again"
"Just give her a chance, when you talk to her be nice and let her talk. You talk and squash whatever problems you have"
I nodded and started putting the pictures into the book, I would love to put our differences aside. But I'm not going to let her keep doing the same thing.
:
The things King said kept playing in my mind as my mom tried to explain herself. She was making it seem like I was wrong because I didn't go and physically get her. How can I? being in active labor and you blame not being there on me?
"But mom you were not there!"
"I wanted to be there, I did"
"I called the house twice and Niema said I had the wrong number. I called your cellphone and it was disconnected. But you wanted to be there, okay"
"You know your father is the reason she said you had the wrong number! I would never do anything like that to you and he changed the number. There was nothing I could do"
"Are you serious? You let him control every little thing you do! I'm never gonna let what a man has to say affect me and daughters relationship. If a man doesn't like the fact that my child is my number one priority he can go, I'm never going bow down to a man and leave my daughter to fend for herself"
"I never left you to fend for yourself I was there for you, you're entire life. We stopped being close when you left"
"That was because of my dad! He forced me out of the house and into my own place. I never complained because I would no longer have to deal with him belittling me. We don't get along because after he found out I had been traveling to the Bronx to see my daughter's dad he started picking on me. How can he call his only daughter, a whore a slut and every other name?"
"Because you were sneaking out going over an hour to see a boy, you had no business being with. And doing the things you shouldn't have been doing"
"What was I doing? Since you think you know so much"
"Being fast for you age, I couldn't control you. No one could so it was best that you lived on your own"
"All the times I went to see him his mom was home. I wasn't going out to have sex, drink or do drugs. It's nice to know that's what you thought of me though.."
"I never thought of you that way! Just stop it Hazel stop trying to make me seem like a bad mother"
"See that's your own conscience thinking I'm calling you a bad mom. You did your best raising me, I love you and I always will. I appreciate the good times we did have but you didn't set the example you should have. I'm just like you but the only difference is I will never let a man tell me I can't speak to you.."
Never in my life would I allow a man control my relationship with my mom or my child. Nor would he ever be able to disrespect either of those two and get away with it. But she let that happen, she let her husband tell her she can't speak to her own child. And she takes that shit like she has no choice.
"I never meant for him to come between us.. I admit the fact that I did a lot of things I shouldn't have. I'm human I made mistakes but I tried Hazel. I'm sorry"
"You tried but you never intervened when he'd start with me.. I'm over this conversation. If you wanna leave you can"
"Can I see the baby? Will you at least let me do that?"
"Why should I let you see her?"
"Because she's my grand daughter.. please don't take away the one thing that has made me happy in a while"
I'm not gonna keep her from seeing her grandchild but I wanna make sure she's here to stay.
"Mom if you're not happy why do you stay?"
"I honestly don't know, love doesn't live in my house anymore. I can't keep putting up with your father. I just don't know how to leave.."
"Is he hitting you? I may not be able to beat him one on one but together we'd make a hell of a team"
"No, he doesn't hit me but he's very verbally abusive and I'm tired"
"Then leave.."
I know I have no room to talk but when I had Ava it opened my eyes. I'm no longer going to take the verbal abuse. When I look into the mirror I see my daughter and I wanna set a positive example for her. If she watches me take the verbal abuse she'll learn to take it to. And that's not what I want, love is not yelling and making your child, wife, friend or even your husband feel like shit. Men get abused too, it goes unnoticed until he strikes back but it happens.
"Did you leave?"
"I tried.. but I still loved him. I gave him another chance and he's doing good. He treats me well and he takes great care of Ava"
I didn't tell her about the argument King and I had because I'm learning from our therapy session. As much as I'd like to just cry to her about it, mother to daughter I know I can't. Because whatever I have to say about our relationship needs to be said to King and only King.
"Everyone deserves a second chance, baby I hope you're truly happy. And I hope we can rebuild our relationship because I do love you. I would do anything for you, I'm so sorry I always let him hurt you"
"I am happy and I love you from the bottom of my heart I always have"
"Can I gave you a hug?"
I nodded and stood up to hug her, I understand she's made mistakes and I can see myself moving forward from this. But there is one thing that bothers me now that we're moving towards a new relationship.. Do I tell her about the fact that my dad has been cheating on her. Or do I keep it tucked away like I have for the past few months?
38. Reaching Out..
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