Hazel
When I told King to dump the drugs I didn't expect him to jump up and do it. I knew he would sit and debate on whether he should or not. Which is why I made it clear that if he goes out and he sells it, I'm done. And I'm not playing, I told him this was his last chance and I was serious. It comes to a point where I have to do what's best for my child. All those other times I kept forgiving him we didn't have a child. It's different now, I'm more focused on being a mom, Ava is my number one priority.
He was still sitting on the bed in deep thought. It shouldn't be that hard to decide, it's either his family or the drugs. If I had to make the decision, I'd choose my family.
"What's it gonna be? I gave you over half an hour to decide, it shouldn't be that hard If you really wanna change"
"Well it is hard, I don't want people looking at me like I'm a freeloader. Living with my girlfriend and I'm not doing anything to help financially. If my daughter needs milk I can't even buy it.."
"And? This is a relationship, it goes both ways. Just like if you were the one with financial stability and I had no job. You'd pay the bills and do for me and Ava right?"
"Yeah"
"So why is it that I can't do all of that and still help you? Everyone has this mental picture that the man is supposed to provide and let the woman do what she does. It goes both ways, there's nothing wrong with a woman taking care of the household while her man is down. As long as you're trying to get back on your feet there's no issue"
I don't mind helping him because we're in a much better place relationship wise. There's a big difference between how he was and how he is now. I want King to do better, I would love for him to finally find a legit job and be happy. There's so much that we have to deal with right now, that's making it hard for him to actually get a job, none of the places he applied to called back. Which isn't shocking considering the fact that he does have a background.
We both knew the process of him trying to find work wasn't going to be easy. It's frustrating but giving up just to keep doing the same shit that got him here, isn't gonna work.
"Fine.."
"Go dump it then"
"I will"
"Now, not later"
He got up off the bed and went back towards the kitchen. I got up and followed him too, I have to make sure he gets rid of it for real..
:
I sat down the baby book I'm making for Ava and my pens and handed King some scissors. We already started off with the ultrasound pictures and then pictures I took while pregnant.
Memories are important to me, so I have to save these precious moments. This week we're focusing on Ava's first week of life, I have so many pictures of her already. So each week I'm going to make a collage and write a little note to her.
"Are you going to add the video of the birth?"
His mom recorded the birth and I cannot sit through more than the first five minutes. I cringe because I still cannot believe I gave birth to a baby, no meds.
"I don't think she'll wanna watch herself come out of my vagina"
"It'll teach her not to have kids until she's fifty"
"So you wanna be a grandpa at seventy one?"
"That's the perfect age. My mom is a grandma at forty five, how old is your mom?"
"She's thirty seven"
"Interesting.."
He looked at me like I was lying, I swear I'm not. My mom has known my dad since she was like thirteen and he was nineteen. I don't agree with their age difference because he was damn near a grown man when they met. No one cared enough to really speak on it when they should have. At that time they weren't dating they were associates because they were neighbors.
