Hazel
I put my arms over my head and squinted at Andre who was doing pull ups on the damn jungle gym. He's very athletic and fit, some how he convinced me to come walking with him this morning. Its hot as hell and he's running, jogging, doing pushups and pull ups. I'm gonna watch, he's fine so there's nothing wrong with a little eye candy. Even though we are just friends I think I can get away with sneaking glances. Did I mention he didn't have a shirt on. This man had sweat glistening off his body, Lord..
I sat down on the nearest bench, I'm not into this whole park exercising stuff. Maybe if the sun wasn't beaming down on me I'd be okay with it. I'll just sit over here and snack on my crackers and enjoy the view.
"Oh come on, really, crackers?"
Andre jumped down and came over to me and tried to take my crackers. I'm here because he asked me to tag along, he's not training me nor did he buy me these crackers.
"I'll break your wrist if you touch my crackers"
He moved his hand and sat next to me before stealing one of my beef sticks. I had to bring snacks because well, I wanted to. I picked up my bottle and opened my water and tried to take a sip. I missed my mouth a little and water dripped down in between my boobs. And Andre was just watching, I pushed his chin up and lifted my shirt to wipe the water off.
He looked down at my stomach and poked it, I don't think he was expecting it to be firm. He was looking like he wanted to touch it for whatever reason.
"Can I?"
"Sure"
I shrugged, I don't really get bothered when people touch my stomach. It doesn't bother me unless I don't know you.
He placed his palm on my stomach with the oddest look on his face. Maybe he was confused or shocked, I don't know.
"Wow.."
"Yeah"
"So does this mean you're back with him?"
"No.."
"Do you wanna be with him?"
"I don't know what I want"
He just nodded and stayed quiet for a while, I don't know what I want. I can't say whether or not I'm willing to work on things with King again. I know everyone in my life would be against us dating completely. However it's my life and if I wanna be with him I will. But he has a lot of stuff he needs to deal with, within himself.. the same goes for me.
But it's different for me, I've chosen to bottle things up lately. Not talking about stuff seems to make it go away... at least for a while. I don't know how else to move on from the pain of my past. I just cry myself to sleep most nights and wakeup as if I hadn't broken down the night before. That's all I know how to do now, I pray but I don't know when my day will come. My patience is thin, I'm losing my grip but I'm holding on with the last bit of strength I have..
:
All afternoon Andre has been quiet, It's almost awkward because he won't really speak on it. I've asked him time after time what's on his mind. Maybe it's the pregnancy, or the fact that I'm unsure what I want. But we're friends so I don't really understand why he seems affected..
"Do you want something to drink.. lemonade or maybe water?"
I'm trying to break the ice because this is just too much. I wanna know what's on his mind..
"Um no, I'm just gonna go"
"Andre, why? You came all the way here just to leave"
"This isn't what I want.."
