He Taught Me How To Find Myself

33: Moving On 🗳

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on."
- Tupac Shakur

I entered my dad's car after a long day of being in the clinic. Mihlali was crying after she got her 3 injections.

"Thanks for fetching us dad, but there was no need. I was going to get an uber".

"I hate to say this my baby, but you're practically a single mother now. You don't even need the money that Langa sends you every month" he said. I strapped Mihlali into her car seat after putting a dummy in her mouth.

"I know dad, no need to rub it on my face"

He sighed and started the ignition.

"Don't worry honey. You have a lot of people behind you, there's no need for you to feel alone"

"I know but there's just something missing dad-"

"You don't need a boy to make you happy, Siphokazi, to feel complete"

With that, I sighed and started at the rooftop of the car.

Dad parked his car in front of the house. I exited the car and took Mihlali.

The house was empty, Mel must be out because she, works from home. I headed straight to my room and placed Mihlali in her cot. She started crying as soon as I put her down.

"Mihlali baby, not now. We need to pack" I said picking her up again and patting her back, she kept quiet as soon as she felt my arms around her.

I went to look for Dad downstairs so he could carry her for a few seconds while I pack, he was watching soccer on the T.V

"There you go" I said handing her over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek

"Siphokazi wh-"

"Thanks dad" I said rushing up the stairs and closing the door behind me
I placed my back on the closed door and slid down as I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I've been a mother for three months, it's not fun and games at all. I do have it easier though because on school days, Mihlali sleeps with her nanny.

I offered to take care of her on the weekends so we can bond. Whenever I take her out, her nanny is always present just in case I'm unable to take care of the situation.

My biggest fear is that she'll grow up having a stronger bond with her nanny and not me. I can't keep on changing them to make myself feel better, Mihlali needs to grow up with a familiar face.

I started packing my clothes and Mihlali's clothes in two separate bags. We were going to pass by her grandfather's house, Langa's father, and stay there for an hour and later on, he was going to take us to eNdwedwe.

"I walked downstairs holding two overnight bags and a handbag.

"You need to me drop you off honey?" Dad asked.

"Yes please" I said as I took Mihlali from his arms. She was already sleeping, it must be the injections.

Dad took the bags and headed out the door. On our way out Melinda came inside carrying a lot of shopping bags and some food.

"Hello guys, going somewhere?" She asked me.

"Yes, Mihlali and I are going to visit Gogo for the weekend"

"Let me drop you off" she said.

I gave dad a look and he agreed. He went back to the couch and continued with his soccer match. I'm sure he was glad that she offered to drop me off.