He Taught Me How To Find Myself

29: First Impressions📮

"Self-discovery often happens when we move out of our comfort zone and change the norm."
-Fola O'Martins

I wore an oversized sweat shirt and a pair of black leggings so I could get ready to go for my check up.

My grandmother was going to take me there, Langa called me this morning and said we'll meet there.

My grandmother arrived at 14:00. She must have left school before their dismissal time. I arrived downstairs and grabbed a fruit from the fridge and bottled water.

"Siphokazi you need to eat something, you can't keep on eating fruits and drinking bottled water" Melinda said as she closed her laptop.

"I'm fine Mel. I'm good"

"I'm worried about you. When you come back after your appointment all of us will go and grab something to eat, okay?" I smiled at the mention of food and rushed to her so I can give her a hug. She kissed my forehead and I went to my grandmother.

"Sipho waGogo. Go start the car" she said giving me the keys. I went outside and started the car. I ended up staying inside the car and yesterday's events started replaying in my mind.

I could imagine Langa holding Siyanda's tiny waste in the car, kissing her like there's no tomorrow. He never kissed me like that. He always kissed me softly, as if he didn't want to break me, as if I was fragile, but he was hungry for Siyanda.

I closed my eyes to try and remove the picture from my mind but it was just stuck there. I even tried imagining life with my baby but images of Siyanda and Langa came rushing back.

I felt the door besides me open and I opened my eyes.

"What's wrong? Did you fall asleep?" My grandmother asked as she passed me her handbag so I could carry it from the passenger seat.

"No. I was just thinking"

"Don't overthink. You'll stress yourself and that's-"

"Not good for the baby" I said cutting her off and finishing the sentence. I keep on hearing these words over and over. Every damn day of my life. It's not even about my mental health, everything is about this baby.

"Are you okay?" I started running circles on my temple and I nodded my head.

She started the car and I directed her to my gynecologist in Umhlanga. We parked the car and went inside the buildings. I confirmed my appointment at the front desk and was told to get in.

"I'll wait for my baby daddy, he'll be here now" I said as I went back to sit down. My grandmother picked up a magazine that was on the table and started reading.

"First impressions last you know" my grandmother said before she went back to her magazine. This was going to be her first time meeting Langa. When he fetched me for my appointments he never came inside the house.

"This is the first time he's doing this" I said after 40 minutes. The woman at the reception kept on sending me impatient smiles and I ended up giving up. He'll come when we're inside maybe.

My Grandmother went inside with me and sat on the chair besides me.

"So, this is It?" She asked before the doctor came in.

"Yes." I said as I tapped the table in front of me out of worry. Where the hell was Langa?

"Who's paying for all of this?"

"Langa's father" I replied back. She nodded her head and looked around the beige coloured room which was filled with baby pictures and scans. The doctor walked in a few seconds after our short conversation.