He Taught Me How To Find Myself

08: Back to Square One📮

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
- Mahatma Gandhi

I've been in my bedroom for the whole week and I know my parents have to come and talk to me because I'm going back to school tomorrow.

They confiscated my phone and dad made sure to put in his safe this time. My mother and father have not talked to me since that day. What surprises me even more is that they didn't even scold me.

I've been in my room eversince. I've been eating Mrs Kane's meals and to say they tasted like garbage would be an understatement.

I don't even want to think about Langa right now. I miss Mrs Mpi's food terribly.

I want to end my life. I searched for something that'll help me kill myself quickly.

I found a used razor blade and some pain tabs and decided to use the two.

Just as I was about to sit on my mat and kill myself, my parents walked in.

"What's going on here?" My dad asked looking at the scene in front of his eyes.

I ignored him and went inside my bathroom to pour a glass of water. If they want to watch me kill myself, I won't deny them the opportunity.

I put all the pills into my hand after I came back and my mother kicked them off my hand. They went flying all over the room and I stood up and glared at her.

"Is this because of some stupid boy?" She asked me.

"I'm not a bitch" I said eyeing her up and down.

My father slapped me. It was the first time that he actually hit me. He's never laid a hand on me before.

"You have no right to lay a hand on me Robert. I'm not your daughter" I said rubbing my cheek.

"So you don't want to talk. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. Kill yourself. You're just as useless as your father, I should have took the abortion money and killed you myself" she said holding me by my braids.

Dad laid his hand on her back and shook his head. Mom was being too harsh. I know she doesn't mean what she said but that didn't stop me from crying.

"Tell us when you're ready to talk. Here's a paper with your new rules which you'll follow until you're ready to talk" Dad said as he ushered mom out of the room. They closed the door behind them and locked it.

I opened the envelope and went over the rules.

1) You will get a new driver to take you to school. He will be changed every week and he will be under strict orders.

2) You will not stop anywhere on your way to school. He will fetch you in front of the school gate and leave you inside your class every morning.

3) We have eyes watching you in school so don't even think about hanging out with Charmaine.

4) Peter will walk you to your classes and sit with you during breaks.

I tore the paper up into pieces and cried for the whole night. Francesca knocked on my door during dinner time.

"I brought you food" she said knocking again.

"I'm full" I said. She continued knocking until she decided to open the door and leave it on my table. She exited the room and locked the doors.