TripleEz is Coming

TripleEz is not a unicorn!

If you see an animal with a long face and four legs ending in hooves that is remarkably similar in appearance to that which is known as a zebra but isn't striped then it is probably a horse. If it has a single horn, varying from one to two feet long, protruding from its forehead then it is a unicorn. Just to get that out there. Oh and also, don't trust unicorns. That's important and a lot of people forget and they die and we get in trouble for not warning them so yeah. This is us warning you. If you see a horse like creature but with a horn and it doesn't sparkle then it's a unicorn. Oh and seriously ignore all of those ridiculous old stories about unicorns that sparkle.

TripleEz in the form of a boy is faster than a horse. None of the witnesses could agree on whether the horse was actually moving but TripleEz won the race. It was definitely TripleEz. One witness said that the horse was a unicorn. Others then claimed that it was a unicorn/horse or that it was a horse/unicorn. Unicorn/horses sparkle pink while horse/unicorns sparkle a distinct shade of lilac. There may be other differences but, as everyone knows, if the sparkles mix they explode violently so studies have always fallen through. Also, if it sparkles it isn't a unicorn. I hate it when people get that mixed up. It is a difference! It is! It has to be.

The witness who said that the horse was a unicorn and not one of its sparkling hybrids then produced paperwork proving that it was her unicorn that had left a month ago to become a gymnast. Upon hearing this TripleEz grew agitated and it's/his/their/her face became what witnesses described as the face of the very devil. A few of the onlookers collapsed but TripleEz was uncaring in their/his/her/it's awesome power. Can I just say how typical that is of TripleEz. Not bothered to say a simple 'sorry' to those poor people who are now unfortunately in a coma? Then don't expect us to pity you when you need it.

To clear up any confusion (because there should be no confusion here) the devil face thingie had two horns. Not one. TripleEz is most certainly not a unicorn, or so we think. Onlookers saw two horns, or so they thought. Don't trust onlookers. The vast majority of them are unicorns. Whatever you do don't trust unicorns! Never fall into that trap! You are lost if you already have. You are dead to us, you poor and foolish creature. Just don't trust them unicorns, right?

TripleEz disappeared suddenly and all efforts to determine their whereabouts have fallen through. The equine creature also vanished and the witness who claimed to own it then said that they would sue TripleEz for all that he/she/it/they were worth. We hope that they can ascertain the location of TripleEz so that that... that... that creature can be brought to justice. The internet campaign looks like it's going well anyway.

Stay safe, humanity. TripleEz has marked you for death.

Also, remember to thank the internet via prayers submitted on all social networking sites. It's tough being that well known and he went out of his way to bring us, and by extension you, this information. And yes, he did pay us to write this. He's the internet. He does things like that.

More on this at some point in the future.

Hail the robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot