The Best Of Me

Chapter 61

"You and the boy can stay in the guest house." Lily clicked the key and we entered the 3 story house with marvelous space. "This is a guest house?" Kevin asked, astounded. "You should see the beach house!" I laughed with her, she wasn't all that bad when you got to know her. She showed us around the house, upstairs, rooms, pool, living room, kitchen... With 4 stoves and 2 fridges. "This is awesome." I chuckled with delight.

Lily left the house and Kevin turned the tv on. "I could get used to this." He laid is head back and put his feet up on the coffee table, "We have work to do!" I spat, knocking his legs down and turning the tv off. He sat up and looked at me with a serious expression. "You're right... We do." He rasped lightly. "If Sierras on her way that means we have about 7 hours until she gets here. We can sleep for 3 hours. Eat for about 20 minutes and then get down to business. This has to work!" I yelled.

"And if it doesn't?" Kevin was thinking negative. I didn't like that but it was an option. "Then I swear on everything that is holy. I will let you go. I will let you become my brother and we can live a normal life. As a family." I whispered. The rain continued outside and we stayed silent indoors. Kevin stood and left the house, sitting on the porch and smoking a cigarette. He was upset. I could tell by the way he slung his shoulders and his lip quivered. "Kev--"

"A family?!" He yelled. He smoked the cigarette and refused to look at me. "We can never be a family, Blue! I mean, not really... Your mother and father will still be your parents but I won't ever be your brother!" He screamed. "Yes you will-- legally." Kevin stood as the rain overpowered his voice, he had to speak over the sound of the rain. He cupped my face and I bit my lip as his hot, cigarette smell breathe overpowered me.

"No... I won't. Not really. I can always choose not to get adopted--" I laughed. "No! Stop! You are not allowed to ruin your chance to have a family because of me! We can't do this anymore, Kevin. Please..." I pleaded in agony. "I'm sorry, but I know where I stand in this, Blue Marie!"

"Do you?! Or do you want to be selfish and not let me go?!" Those words. Those unspeakable words, my life flashed. I was Dad! My gasped in shock and shook my head in realization. He left us! He left me not because he hated or her, but because he wasn't being selfish and he let Mom knowing she'd be happier with someone else. Although it killed him, he let it happen and she married again and he wasn't being selfish by letting me have the best childhood ever. With the only person l considered a dad; Shield.

"Oh my god!" I yelled. Kevin grabbed onto my waist, "What? What happened?!" I began to hit my face with my hands and sob mercifully. "Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm so stupid! I'm so damn stupid! Dad wasn't being selfish.. On the contrary, he was being selfless. He put me and my mothers happiness before his! And that's why he left us... Because he knew he was bad news, he knew he would hurt us so he let Mom move on with your dad, not knowing it was him but your dad gave me the best childhood of my life! He was one awesome Dad and I'm sorry you never got to experience him." I frowned, Yet Kevin smiled.

"You experienced it and I've seen pictures of him so I bet it was worth it." He whispered, holding onto my hand and going inside the house. "Look it at this way, he left for all the right reasons. You left your Mom so she could truly happy; he let you be truly happy." Kevin told me, I grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed his cheek. Going upstairs, I wandered around the house for a while.. There was a piano in the dark corner of this abadoned room. I sat down and I wasn't a music player. I didn't play piano like Dad or guitar like Mom but I guess I learned throughout the years because I wrote and played the sadness I ever wrote about Dad being in my life:

"....Stop. Right now! You'll only let me down! Uh oh! Maybe you shouldn't come back... Maybe you shouldn't come back to me.

Trying not to forget, all the birthdays you missed, I was only a kid, uh oh! Sorry I'm not sorry for the times I don't reply. You know the reasons why; Maybe you shouldn't come back, maybe you shouldn't come back to me. shouldn't come back to me--"

The tears engulfed me and I weeped against the keyboard. All these oppressed feelings finally hit me and I broke down. I broke alone, in the comfort of a strangers home but in my body, in my mind and feelings that I could somehow comprehend how much my father has hurt me but he didn't mean too and I want to have a relationship but I don't and I miss him and then I don't and I love him but then I don't. I kept singing.

"--Tired of being so sad. I'm tired of getting so mad, daddy! Stop. Right now! You'll only let me down! Uh oh! Maybe you shouldn't come back... Maybe you shouldn't come back to me...... Maybe you shouldn't come back to me."

I stopped singing. I sniffled and actually felt all the anger come out of my body. My hands were shaking but I managed to get my phone off the floor. I dialed the number and the voice huffed in tiredness.

"Daddy?" I cried into the phone. He became alert. "Blue? Are you okay?!" He rasped in worry. "I--I really need you, Daddy." I sniffled, rubbing my eyes.

A/N: This chapter was one of the most close personal chapters I've ever written because I had trouble with my father also and to this day, I'm so glad he's in my life and we have a relationship. Hope Blue will too before it's too late! 😞😩