The Best Of Me

Chapter 37

That week passed. It was Thursday and as the doctor knew, tomorrow was his last day. I took him to the music room and as one of his wish was to know what I wrote in here after the miscarriage. I didn't know if the recording was still here after so many years of re adjusting the house and moving shit around but I did find it, at the end of the mix tapes. I blew the dust off it and put in the recorder. He closed his eyes and listened to my voice:

"I guess love just wasn't enough for us to survive. I swear... I swear... I swear, I tried. You took the life right out of me.. I'm so unlucky, I can't breathe. You took the life right out of me, me, me, me, me.. I'm longing for your heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat..."

"Is that about the miscarriage?" He asked me, sitting up on the seat some more, I nodded and kept a concentrated look on my face because it hurt so much to listen to it. "It's quite a melody, I can see why you kept it hidden for so many years." He said, I took his hand and the song repeated and repeated as I laid on his body, falling asleep.

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I woke up and I didn't feel Shield breathing anymore. I stood in panick and called 911, I saw his lifeless body. I saw the almost dead look on his face. "911, what's your emergency?" The operator asked. "My husband, he--he's dying! I need an ambulance. Please." I spat and hung up, grabbing his body and wrapping it around me. "C'mon, baby.. C'mon," I encouraged.

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Shield was now a little stablized but he was short now of life and he couldn't breathe anymore so he needed an oxygen to breathe for the rest of his couple of hours of life and to me, I bet he only had a couple minutes. I sat on the edge of the bed with him and took his hand in mine, he looked at me with wary eyes.

"You lived a good life" I said. He nodded and heaved heavily. He couldn't speak, "I love you, okay an--and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Shield." He took his oxygen mask off and I warned him not to speak but he didn't listen. "You have nothing to be sorry-- You. Were. A. Great. Wife." He heaved the words with every ragged breathe.
"And--" he heaved. "--You were a good wife to him and I--I'm sorry you had to give up your happiness with him for-- for me." I shook my head and his false words. "No, no, no. You're wrong. Stop.. No. You're wrong, baby. You're so wrong!" I spat. He breathed without rhythm and I felt like his heart would stop any second.

I put the oxygen mask on his face. "Don't speak anymore..." I cried. "Let's just cut the bullshit and everything and--" I kissed him. Softly. Maybe a little to rough but beautifully. He wiped the tears from my face, "I love you. I love you so much." I said. He took my hand and squeezed it softly "You will always have me." He spoke for the last time and his hand let me go and fell off the bed, hanging there.

Lifeless.

I felt his soul let go. I felt his heart stop. His eyes roll back to the back of his head. His breathing stopped, his heart made a sudden thud and just stopped all together, cutting his life short at the age of 40. I frowned and took his hand again, "Everything's okay now. Everything is finally okay because you're safe and in no more pain." I whispered. The sudden flatline rang in my ear until the nurses came in and asked me to leave.

I met up with Mat, Taylor, Jose and Ramón in the waiting room and they hugged me because they knew what happened. I cried quietly and sobbed, "Shhh... Shh.." Mat hushed me and took me outside. I felt dead inside, I felt so sad and burdened. "What do you wanna do, princesa?" Jose asked me, smoking a cigarette. "I wanna go home, just home." I said with no emotion.

Ramón picked me up in his arms and took me to the pick up truck. In the end of the day, they were all good fellas and I was so happy met them. They took me back to house and I slowly walked up the stairs to Shields room. An envelope was on his bed, I touched it. For Callie, it said. I opened and read the following print:

Dear Callie,
I have been spending the last few days of my life wondering if I should write this letter and in the end, I knew I would regret it if I didn't. You always said I was a good husband and even in my last moments, you told me and for that I owe you. There is no way I could pay you back for the things you did for me so I'm only gonna ask you to do something for me... Find the joy in your life. Re marry. Spend time with your daughter. Laugh until you cry. Eat a big taco. Ride a llama. Go to the beach. Pray as much as you can. Do everything you need to do to make yourself, Blue and Brandon happy. You gave me everything in a couple of days and I can't tell you how thankful I am for your love. Your soul. Your companionship. I hope you find everything you're looking for because I know I did in my last moments with you. I love you, Callie Jacobs. I'll always be there with you, in heaven or hell watching down from you or up. Lol.

Yours Truly, Shield.

I put it down and finally broke down, I fell off the bed and landed on my knees in front of his bed. Cried and curled up to my knees as I cried loudly and painfully. He couldn't be gone... Oh god he couldn't be! I was so devasted..

I was so im complete shock because I thought it would never happen but it did and I am in complete grief. My phone rang, I picked it as I cried. "Mom? Are you okay?" I sniffled and smiled a little at the sound of her voice.
"Mom?" Blue asked. I stayed quiet long enough for her to become aware of the situation. "He's gone, isn't he?" I nodded like as if she could see me. "Mom.. Please talk to me." I cried even more and I hung up the phone. I found my way to his room door, turned the light off and went to my bed. Crying some more.

Blue's POV

"Hey, did you talk with your mother?" Dad came into my hospital room. "Shield's dead, dad. I called her and he's gone." He exhaled loudly and looked at me. "You wanna pray with me?" He asked, I looked at him with soft eyes and reached for his hand, he took it and closed his eyes. He said a silent prayer for Shield and let my hand go. "May his soul rest in peace. For all of us. For the world he once knew." Dad said.

I smiled and hugged me tightly to me. "Dad... Tell me. I know that I'm in the hospital and that I might be the worst time considering what Mom must be going through back home but I want to know. I want to know what happened with that miscarriage." Dad exhaled loudly and sat with me. "Okay. You're right, you deserve to know and you deserve an answer."

He started from the beginning as before they were married and wanted a baby so bad. They went up to his cabin in Amsterdam and did the nasty nasty. Ew. I can't even imagine my parents being so wild and liberal with their sexual life. "--We ended up getting pregnant. It was such a wonderful time for both of us as parents but we couldn't tell anyone because your Mom was scared Ricardo or Liam would come after us and hurt our baby if they found out so we kept it to ourselves for 2 months."

He sighed. "2 months.. That's all it took for us to fall in love with this baby, this unformed beauty of a child that we couldn't even comprehend but it happened. We fell in love with our baby and hearing her heartbeat--" He smiled as his tears fell and hit my hand that was wrapped around his. "--That heartbeat was the livid reason I existed. It was the reason me and your mom existed in that moment and God... he took that away from us. He took that innocent, non living baby away from us! And for what?!" Dad began to get mad. At himself? At God? At Dr. Chapman?

"Dad?" He looked at me. He calmed me down, re heaved and looked at me. He sat. "And then what happened?" I asked, biting my lip just like Mom did. He began to chuckle nervously, "I'm sorry, I can't talk about this anymore. I'll come back later, baby Blue." He kissed my forehead and left. All those things he said about that baby, that unborn child that happened to love so much, I was jealous of it.

Of the miscarriaged child because it had them before me and they loved it before they loved me and then I thought.... When I was born, I was their lives. I was their every reason to exist and my heartbeat helped them overcome that emptiness but than I kept thinking..... That emptiness never went away and they still carry it in their souls and I wish it wasn't like that.
I need them too.

AUTHORS REVIEW: Rest In Peace to one of the most kind hearted, amazingly, manly characters I've ever made up!