28th September 2014
Sunday morning, 12:30 am I’m typing this. I don’t know what’s been wrong with me this week, well last week now. I’ve just been feeling constantly feeling down and bringing you down with me. I’ve been crashing and burning. Something must be wrong with me. Maybe I’m hormonal or something which is odd because it’s not my time of the month or anything. I don’t know.
My mind keeps wondering back to what I did and it makes me feel awful. I guess maybe the guilt finally caught up with me. I know why it didn’t affect me this much before. The cutting helped. It pushed away all these horrible and guilty feelings and made me focus on the physical pain and now scars.
I ruined the mood before. I feel really terrible about it and blame myself which we both know it was but you don’t seem to want to admit it. I’m over it now, just feeling kind of numb about it all though. I feel like cutting again because it took away the emotional pain before; I want it to do it again. You asked me what I was thinking before and here’s what I wrote:
1. Whether you’re still thinking your thoughts about that quote I did
2. I love this song I’m listening to (why try by Ariana Grande)
3. I really need to finish this journal entry (this one right now)
4. wishing I didn't ruin the mood before
5. Thinking about maybe I should go soon (it’s now 1:30am)
6. I really have been pretty horrible to you this past month
7. I need to stop dwelling on what happened and try to get over it like you
8. Maybe I should cut one more time before stopping for good
9. You’re gonna lecture me about that last point
I was right about the last point.
YOU ARE READING
Dark in Me
Non-FictionBook one in the 'Dark' series. **** This is a diary where I write all my thoughts and occurrences from September 2014 to January 2016. IT IS 100% TRUE! It's a huge trigger to anyone going through cutting and tough times. It's just my story for anyon...
