Dark in Me

9th May 2015

I found that letter you gave me on my birthday. It made me cry... I wish the past could be fixed but sadly it can't.

I'm sorry. To both of you. I know she hates me thinking about you and trust me, I hate it too.

I feel cold tonight. I'm constantly shaking and I have goosebumps everywhere. It's a cold, miserable night. It matches my mood I guess - cold and miserable.

I'm clean. I have been for a while but not everything from you has washed away. I don't want it to.

I don't really know what to say. I wish you had stayed, I wish we had worked through it but you left. We cried and it was over. When you cried, I cried even more.

At least it's in the past I guess. Now we have both moved on. I've fallen for someone else but even so, they seem difficult. You've fallen for someone else and they are good for you; I'm glad.

I wish I knew what to do. I'll probably hurt myself later for thinking and crying over you; I shouldn't. You're gone and I need to stop thinking about it.

Spot on 12am on the 9th and I know something will go bad soon before I go to sleep. But I'm okay. I always am in the end. Hopefully the end is good though. If I live like this for another few years then I don't want to live anymore. If I continue being depression for another few years, I'll take my own life.

I just hope it doesn't have to come to that...

25 minutes later...

Well I now have more scars that will be on my arm soon...

I did it again...

More scars...

More cuts...

More pain...