House of Cards | KTH

Chapter 62

Sunmi POV

By mid afternoon, Tae and I have moved to rest on the couch in their living room. We ended up coming downstairs for lunch like he had wanted, sitting in the kitchen to eat before we moved to the couch. Though, he had to go grab his laptop to get some work done, not able to just do no work at all during the work week. I don't mind it though, not too saddened over the fact of him having something to preoccupy him for a little bit. After the conversation we'd had in bed before lunch, my mind is still reeling.

To say the least, if I wasn't conflicted before on what the hell to do, I sure as fuck am now.

I try to force myself to pay attention with what he's working on with his laptop, not really remembering what the hell he does outside of the gang. As much as it's going to break me more than it'll destroy him, I have to follow through. I can't let my brother down. I just... I don't know what the hell to do when I know for certain that it'll ruin him. I... I don't know that I can bring myself to do something like that to him. I really do love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Yoongi's the only one I've ever held to a point where nobody can mean more to me than him, but... I don't think I've ever or will ever struggle with letting someone go at my brothers simple command as I will with Tae.

It makes me feel guilty to no end, watching every little thing that Tae's doing on his computer in hopes of finding the little things that'll bring their empire of a gang down to the ground. It pulls at my heart, twisting it and crushing it in ways I never thought I'd ever be able to endure. And I truthfully don't know if I'll be able to handle trying to do this. I know I'll certainly have my brother's support when it comes time, him and the rest of the department will be there to help me bring them down. However, they'll never be able to bring them down without the information I have...

I whine softly as I shift my position just a little bit, managing to nuzzle myself just a little bit further into Tae's side. He smiles down at me, leaning down and kissing the top of my head as he wraps his arm around my waist before continuing to work on whatever it is he's doing. I force a smile in return to him before returning my attention to the screen, biting my lip hard as the guilt continues to eat away at me.

My brother? Or the man who unknowingly at the time, saved me? The guy who's grown up with me and seen all the hell that I've gone through? Or the man that's currently letting me cuddle up to his side while he works? The one that I love beyond words, who actually sees a future with me despite how fucked up I am?

How the fuck am I supposed to choose?

I swallow over the lump that's grown in my throat, trying hard not to cry at this major dilemma that I'm faced with right now. Not being able to help myself, I stop Tae from whatever he's in the middle of typing as I reach out for his hand. He doesn't hesitate in stopping what he's doing, letting me take his hand in mine as he laces our fingers together. I smile just the tiniest bit at this, bringing his hand up to my chest to somewhat cradle our joined hands as I nuzzle my head even further into his chest.

"You feeling okay, baby? Are you tired?" Tae asks softly, leaning down and kissing the top of my head once more. I just shrug at the question, knowing if I talk right now that he'll easily figure out that I'm most certainly not feeling okay right now. No, his posed question instead brings tears to my eyes, much too fucking close to crying my heart out right now. I don't have rescan what's currently viewable on his screen, already knowing I've seen enough to be able to bring him and his brothers in for a lifetime. Hell, for more than just a lifetime sentence.

Not looking back at the screen, I reach out and gently shut it, curling up more into him. He chuckles softly at this, rubbing my back gently as he leans down and kisses the top of my head once more. This only makes me want to cry even more though, wishing he wouldn't be so kind and sweet and caring and lovable so that this would be easier.

"I love you, Tae. Please, I've never meant it more than I do now.