⚠️possible trigger warning⚠️
You hated living in that house. You absolutely hated it.
From the minute you walked in every night, you just wanted it all to go away and for everything to be like that picture perfect life that you'd see people in commercials living. No blood, no tears, no pain, nothing like that. Just green grass and smiling faces.
The house was just enough to provide shelter from the elements and from everything happening in the outside world. The windows were cracked and filmy and the windowpanes were no better. Paint chipped off the dirty walls and mildew grew in the corners of each room. The creaky floorboards were worn but sturdy and a threadbare grey rug occupied the space under the broken table in the kitchen. Wind made the house's temperature match that of the outside air and rain would drip in from the windows during storms. It reeked of musty fabric and cigarette smoke. It was a shabby and not very ideal situation, but you'd never known it any differently.
The house itself was bad, but the atmosphere was easily a thousand times worse. Your parents fought on the daily and your dad was a very abusive person. Your mom never wanted you in the first place and has always thought of you as an ungrateful nuisance.
You would come in the house every night, usually panting and out of breath from sprinting down the backlit alley that led to your crooked front stairs after being chased by a snarling dog or after coming home from a fight that escalated all too quickly. You might be bleeding, you might be in pain. It wouldn't matter. As soon as you closed the creaky door, your parents would start up their yelling and this time it would be directed at you. They would push you around and they always seemed to bring it back to the fact that you would never amount to anything. You had learned to drown it out and take it with a straight face. It hurt so bad, not being wanted or loved. You didn't want to be alone. You wanted someone, even just one person, that you could trust.
But, as you would tell yourself, you didn't deserve that kind of thing.
One night, as you finished your homework, you looked out your window to see a lavender sunset beginning to light up the sky. As usual, you decided to go out and sit on the rooftop. Every night, right as the sun began to set, you would make sure it wasn't too cold and go out there. Tonight was going to be another one of those times.
You silently eased what was left of the window open and climbed out. You had a third story apartment so it was pretty high up. Once you had inched up there, you sat back against the broken chimney of the house and took a deep breath. Out here, you just felt safe since no one else that you knew could get up here. You could be alone with the sky and the stars and just think.
You watched as the sky turned from grayish blue to brilliant shades of pastel pink and yellow with hints of red and purple as the sun sunk lower into the sky. You felt an almost perfect sense of calm wash over you.
"Hey." You jolt out of your dreamy state as you hear an oddly familiar voice. You turn quickly and see a boy's outline on the roof a couple houses down. You were nervous but he didn't seem to mean any harm at the moment.
"It's me, Colby." You relax a little bit at hearing that. Colby was your boyfriend and also your best friend. He was the only person that loved you or cared about you and he meant everything to you. He was your ride-or-die and he was one of the last things that had meaning to you as well.
He quietly walks over, avoiding the uneven parts of the roof next to yours.
"Can I sit with you?" You nod slowly and he plops down right beside you. In the minutes of silence that follow, you rest your head on his shoulder. You don't know what to say first but you feel like you should talk about what's going on.
You sigh sadly, wishing for a better life. A life where you could watch the sunset every night from a comfortable chair on a back porch that overlooked the ocean. A big house with impressive chandeliers and paintings and comfy beds and nice clothes and soft carpets. Most importantly, you wanted to be happy and carefree.
Colby quickly notices that something's bugging you.
"What's up baby? You're quiet."
"It doesn't matter."
He moves and motions for you to sit between his legs. He leans on the chimney again and and you lay back on his chest. He wraps his arms around your waist and hugs you tightly from behind.
You take a breath and this time all you smell is Colby's cologne. It calms you a little bit and it makes you feel safe knowing that he's there.
"Listen to me. Your problems are my problems. We're in this together." You sigh again and begin to explain everything.
You first start with how your parents hurt you and how you don't want to be around them because they make you feel like everything is your fault. You talk about being scared to sleep in your own house and just wanting to not have bruises and scars from other people hurting you.
You talk about everything you can think of that isn't right and notice Colby gently pulling down your hoodie sleeve to reveal a fresh cut from a broken beer bottle that had been thrown at you. There was also a giant bruise to the right of the cut.
"Did they do this to you?" You slowly look up at him and nod defeatedly.
He lightly rubs his fingers over the bruise, causing you to flinch a little as you expected him to hurt you.
You continue to talk and soon, you find yourself starting to cry. Anger and sadness flow through you like a river and you just feel empty.
You pause for just a second and your voice cracks the very second you start to talk again. Colby somewhat understands what you're going through and wishes that he could give you a better life. You often stayed the night at his house because his parents were much kinder than your own and you felt protected enough to sleep soundly.
He looks at you and notices the tears glistening on your cheeks.
He pulls you into his chest and hugs you tightly before using his hand to lift your chin so you were looking right at him.
You don't want to make eye contact because you didn't like crying in front of him but he didn't care.
"Shhhh, don't cry. You know I hate it when you're sad." You slip your arms around Colby's neck and hug him.
"It's gonna be you and me baby. Forever. I can promise you that. If you ever feel like no one cares about you, just know I'm right here and I'm never leaving."
You lay back on him again, watching the last of the pastel splotches fade out of the sky and become a star-sprinkled black abyss within a span of fifteen minutes. A dog gives a lonely howl in the alley below, seeming to cry out for someone, anyone to find him. But, he's alone in a city of millions. No one will hear his desperate calling. No one will care.
"You don't deserve to live like this. You shouldn't have to hate coming home. You shouldn't have to be covered in cuts and bruises. You shouldn't have to feel like you have no reason to be here. I'm so fucking sorry."
After saying that he grabs your hand and slides his fingers between yours. He gently squeezes your hand and you do the same back as a sort of recognition and appreciation.
"Everything will get better. You'll be happy and so will I and it'll all be okay in the end."
You think about what he said for a second and realize that he isn't lying about things getting better. Once you've hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.
You're feel better knowing that he truly won't leave you or hurt you. He's going to be here for the rest of your life, standing beside you and doing his damn best to protect you no matter the personal cost.
The thought of that made you smile. Even if your whole world is falling apart now, at least you'll have Colby.
In that moment, you realized that there was no one else that you wanted to spend your forever with.
»I've been absent from this app for too long, i missed you guys.
I'm sorry it took so long to write this story, I've had way too much on my plate lately. I know it seems like I'm always complaining and I sincerely apologize for that but I have no one else to talk to anymore. There is nobody left and I'm not kidding on this one. Therefore, I type out these ridiculously involved rants and post them publicly because I have nobody to talk to about anything. So I apologize if you get annoyed by me ranting and giving excuses but this is just about the only way that I can put all my problems into an organized pattern. Talking to some of you guys has helped a lot, and for that I'll thank you.
gracie xx
