Before I start a rant;
I love you all so so much thankyou for the concern and support I might not always give a huge reply back but I rlly do appreciate it so so so much <3
Now, the rant.
I've been in work 11 hours today.
That's a long shift for me.
Especially when I'm doing a repetitive task in a building that feels about 100000°.
Okay.
So I finished just before 7pm.
So let's say 5pm I'm nearly done.
I'm stood. Labelling shoes. Again. As I have been doing all day.
At some point I'm gonna write one or two wrong okay?
I'm sorta stressed and v tired anyway.
And this bitch who doesn't even work at our store makes this huge deal out of the fact I wrote TWO numbers wrong.
One I literally put an extra 8....all the numbers are 5 didgits long so like it's obvious I just put an extra 8.
The other? Shut up and look at the bottom of the shoe, it's not hard bitch.
Anyway I was stressed Anyway and that annoyed me.
And she told me to write neater and I'm like bitch I'm tryna be quick, I wanna go home!!! So stfu.
I'm just not in the mood at this point.
So yeah I sorta muttered under my breath to myself rlly rlly quiet.
My manager will get it. I'm tired and she knows I'm kinds sensitive. (She said today and honestly I didn't mind, it's true.)
And she does tell me to calm down quietly. Which was fine. I moved on and calmed. But yh anyway.
I get home.
I'm tired.
I'm stressed.
I'm boiling.
Me + genuinley exhausted and tired isn't good.
I get to a point of tired where I don't have the energy to stay sane anymore.
Like I'm at a edge and if one thing pushes me over I will burst into tears.
I get home tell my dad about the annoying bitch
I happened to mention I was muttering to myself.
Then he goes all it's my fault I shouldn't mutter to myself i should shush and get on with it. I should shut up. I can't do that at work.
Like ok.
Then he keeps going on. And on.
So I close the kitchen door expecting him to just be like "oy im talking to u open it"
No
He full on
Like proper
Shouts at me. Aggressively.
Which was the exact moment.
I burst into tears.
That was it. And I wasn't just pushed over the edge full on just thrown off the edge of the cliff into a lake of tears.
Like that was it.
He didn't see bc I went back into the kitchen then and I close the door slightly so he couldn't see me.
But I was proper full on crying.
Tears and everything.
And I do this alot when I'm tired.
When I can't hold back how I'm really feeling anymore because I just don't have the energy and something or someone just pushesme over an edge I just sob.
One time this happened on NYE. All night everyone was telling me all that cis hetero shit like one day you'll have a wife and kids and be a dad and ugh and I wasn't out yet so I got in a mood and then was tired bc it was late and then as soon as it turned New year I literally burst into tears bc the room was so loud everyone has upset me and I didn't feel good enough bc I wasn't cis & str8
ANYWAY
Baiscally this week's p shit.
Today's no exception.
Today
I relapsed
Went work and am exhausted because of the work and the fact I have to keep up social interaction all day.
Got pissed off.
Got shouted at. Which sacred me.
And cried.
Now I'm ready to sleep but imma stay online for abit because my online friends r keeping me as happy as I can be :)
This all may sound pathetic but when you're just done and can't cope and the week has been shit it all just makes me feel shit.
Ughh yh bi
