Spam Book

Trans ramble

Ive beem thinking about this and i wanted to rant about it all week so imma do it now so i can stop thinking about it and do it lols

Ok so. Im trans. Great. (Its not) but i think i still sorta try to convince myself im not... i sorta be like "shut up u not trans stop tryna be a special snowflake" and then i have a huge dysphoria breakdown and go "ok... cant ignore that" but like theres one thing i sorta hold against myself ? Likee that i think which i try to convince myself im not trans?? Idk anyway.
I feel like there's a huge stereotype for trans girls. (Boys and nb too but imma focus on me for a sec) like alot of trans girls grow out their hair till its long. orrr like idk they just look a certain way. Thats great! If thats who you are! I personally dont feel like i want long hair 🤷‍♀️
I dont wanna wear dresses tbh... i mean i would but not like regularly. Only for going like "out" in.
I dont wanna look this certain way... idk i hope im not being offensive or problematic ;-;
I just feel there's a stereotype for ways trans girls look. And i dont feel like i totally fit it... or even want 2. And to me that sorta messes wiv ma head bc im then telling myself "well i cant be trans becauseeee i dont wanna look like that sooooo"
Which is stupid.
But then im like "but maybe i gotta dress like that and have long hair etc to pass..."
But then i gotta remind myself... passing is ofc nice. But i shouldn't be someone im not just to make others see me in a certain way. I should be me. Right? Idk if im making senseeee.

I want short hair. Maybe abit longer than it is but i dont want what the transgirl stereotype seems to be.
I also dont wanna make my voice higher... its my voice? I want my voice to be mine. I dont have like a v.deep voice anyway so maybe thats y i feel ok with it.... but ive always felt that makes me less valid maybe.
Like transitioning... i wanna take hormones. Cool.
But then there's surgeries and stuff which im not sure i want.... mainly bc they scare me.
And thats OKAY! but there was a point i was like "im not valid. I dont want that so i cant be trans. Wt am i then aaah" but my friend said to me like that i dont need to have anything i dont want! So i thought about it and rn im comfy wiv just hrt. And thats ok!

But yh i dont think i fit the transgirl stereotype... long hair, very feminine voice etc... like idk. Do u get me? If thats who someone is then thats great!! But i dont think i am... for me it would feel.... fake? Like forced. Like im trying too hard. When i should just be me! And if me happens to be a girl and trans then so be it! Bc my gender shouldn't be defined on the way i dress, act, or look 💙

Also, i dont have any transgirl friends...... online or irl. Online is more likely butttt i dont have any.
I have a couple of mutuals.
But i dont feel like i click with either of them enough to become friends....
And idk y....
I have lots of transboy friends! And like I'm so comfortable talking to them about being trans and dysphoria and the whole thing but like when it comes to someone whos a transgirl like me i feel uncomfortable.... but at the same time i rlly want to be friends bc im missing all the little differences and tips and just person to relate to but idk its like i hold myself back from it..... ? Maybe ? But idk these ppl very well so it'd be weird if i popped up like "hey we r both trans! Lets be friends!" Like no... weird. Awkward. No.

Anyway idk i guess ramble over.

Later gays x

WAIT ALSO IM HELLA GAY FOR CAPTAIN MARVEL

OK BYE X X