Achieving For The Greater Good

P. Melisa

There's so much I want to say if I could say it

I know I can't change you but I can change me so,

If you'd take this time to hear me 

--

All I want from myself is closure 

Anything that I've done is because I don't like what's visable when I'm sober.

Around me, when I think of you 

I try to think of happy things 

No mascing tape can do it 

I know I cant fix everything 

What's done is done 

Although, this doesn't mean 

That I can't become someone 

Something better

Chances.

I know I've been battling

These addictions for years but don't you see?

I'm trying to win the battles.  

Speak to me 

If there was a way for me 

To explain what I've done I plead to thee

All I want is what I need

You being one of those needs,

I could say 'sorry' a million ways 

Different languages to different days 

But this is what I mean 

After all, even if you and I 

Are not family in your eyes 

I still want you 

As a friend

Over the years I've made mistakes 

Your forgivesness may not be all that it takes

But the worst you could do is close your doors

This isn't only about me 

It's about you too if you don't see

What if I wasn't there?

But because of the chances you wouldn't dare?

Don't you see?

I hurt you 

I hurt me more than I did you 

But let me say that it means 

More to me becuase I feel 

Like you're not in my reach 

Excuse me, 

Dearest friend

My 'sibling' 

Sister, hear me 

At least learn from me, 

My mistakes 

Your silence 

It sometimes brings to my eyes

The ache in my heart due your dismise 

I'm concerned for you 

Don't ignore my warning 

Association 

That's where it's starts

Closing your door 

Will only tear you apart

All because of me

Does it have to be 

This way? 

It seems as though you're trying 

To numb the disappointment 

Don't hate me 

Or them because of me 

Everyone makes mistakes 

Even if you don't forgive me 

Know that I'm enlightened 

From my actions

Now I know 

That what I'm doing's not the answer 

However, if you would hear me out 

I love you, there's no doubt

--

  I can't stop thinking about you. But it's okay that you're not here. I was angry at first. I was full of anger. Why aren't you here? Why won't you let me love you? Why? What exactly did I do. You never said. Yet. I knew. I knew because I did do it. I made the mistake to let you go and now we're here. After all that stress bottled up inside exploded I was frustrated and flooded with tears. And now. here I am. I know I can call you whenever I need. That day. Almost ten days ago. I heard the truth. And. Well. It didn't hurt. I was happy. Something relieved me. I don't know why but it did and now here I am again. I don't want to text you because if I do. I'll feel needy. 

  I dressed up today. You can see my tattoo on my shoulder. The airplane's flying off to freedom, unknown to their destination, yet knowing exactly what they plan to do. They plan to reach out to the world. My emotion giving them the wind that set them free. They come from my heart, my passion, covered by the back of my chosen outfit. Where am I going today? Am I going today? My anxiety heightens. I don't know. I want to curl up in a ball and be alone but if I am alone then how will I feel better? My breath thickens. It's harder to breath. I want to talk to you but what is there to talk about? 

-September 2014

(December 3rd 2018) Funny. I don't know how Malisa is. -DJ