fragile. || lashton

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IT was a few days later when Ashton was released from the hospital, he was given warnings to never take a handful of prescription pain killers - that weren't even his - again, or else there'd be problems for the future. Also, to his dismay, they placed him on suicide watch. Since Vicodin was a hardcore, addictive drug that could kill you if you'd had too many, it was considered a suicide attempt when they found out he'd consumed twenty six pills within an hour.

Luke didn't really want to tell the boys about what he'd said to Ashton while Ellie stood beside him. But somehow he knew that one of them would find out. Either it would slip out or Ashton would sleepily tell them. And either way, he was screwed. He knows he messed up. But there's nothing he can really do now.

They all sat in the tour bus' living room, silence between the five of them. The four boys, and, of course, Ellie. She was aimlessly admiring her new French manicured nails, staring at the pretty decals the woman had placed on them. She seemed like a little girl who'd finally gotten her nails done for the first time.

"So," Michael mumbled lowly, rubbing his palms along his skinny jeans. "we have a show tonight. You up for it, Ashton?" everyone turned to the brunette, who was playing with his hospital bracelet with an expression of boredom and one of being scared.

He just shrugged, not really paying attention to what Michael had said. He didn't really care. Not that he was on that dumb medication again, oh no, they took that while he was in observation, he was actually feeling real emotions of disliking and annoyance.

Ash's hazel eyes casted towards Luke, whom seemed anything but happy. His eyes weren't the pretty crystal blue that Ashton loved, they'd turned into a cold grey colour. Ellie, on the other hand, seemed rather amused. He made sure to narrow his eyes at her.

Within seconds, Luke caught Ashton's stare and both boys looked away with pink cheeks. Ellie wasn't paying attention, thankfully. Who knows what kind of temper tantrums that she could pull? Especially over something small like blushing.

Calum cleared his throat, making Ashton slightly jump in his seat on the chair. Since they've been poking and prodding Ashton with needles at the hospital and in the unit he's been jumpy about small things. (He mentioned this earlier and Michael had to mention the song All the Small Things by Blink 182.)

Soft brown eyes met hazel. "Alright boys, let's get along. Ellie, err, you can, uhm-,"

"I'll stay," Ellie interjects, which makes everyone silently groan, even Luke. Ashton mumbles a sarcastic, "great!" and they're all scattering off the tour bus without another word between them. But, of course, Ellie couldn't stop mindlessly chattering to Luke along the small walk to the arena.

With every "like" and "oh my god" in Ellie's sentences, Ashton pretended to throw himself off of a cliff. And then suddenly, those thoughts grew more violent. (I'm not going to share what he's thinking, but just imagine someone who's suicidal to imagine ways to, you know, commit suicide. // sorry for the small trigger.)

Seconds passed by before they all entered the arena, the sound of screaming fans hitting their ears quickly and harshly. It made Ashton's breathing a little more rapid. The five of them all went towards the dressing room, where the stage manager gave the four boys their earpieces and threw Ellie a glare. Which she oh-so-kindly returned.

They were on in several minutes and Ellie had insisted that her and Luke make out to pass the time. And Luke disagreed, pushing the barbie out of the way to have a chat - privately - with none other than Ashton.

The two pre-lovers were alone in the small bathroom the arena provided. The door was locked to prevent randoms from barging in, the toilet cubicles searched to make sure no one was occupying them. Luke stood with his hands on the sink.

Ashton stood flushed, with his back against the crème coloured wall. "I don't know why you want to talk, Hemmings, but you better make it fast. We've got a show to play in," Ashton breaks his sentence to look at his phone's clock. "six minutes." his eyes cast towards Luke's, which are filling with worry and regret and slight tears.

"I'm sorry," was all Luke said, slightly mumbling it again while looking towards his reflection in the mirror. "I guess I have no excuse for sleeping with Ellie, do I?" he looks towards the brunette, who's trying to distract himself from looking at Luke. The blonde sighed again.

"It doesn't hurt to tell you why I did it, then, does it?" when Ashton doesn't reply, Luke's grip on the sink grows stronger. "Remember how I told you that I loved her? I did. And when I got on that bus, I was damn-well determined that she didn't want me anymore," tears start to fall freely from Luke's blue eyes, and Ashton has to resist the urge to wipe them away.

"God dammit, Ashton, Ellie raped me." Luke muttered almost incoherently. Ashton's confused gaze casted towards him, where he had salty tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs choking at his throat. Tears began to well in his own hazel eyes.

He bit his lip. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm not fucking joking about something like this, Ashton. She-she didn't get why I was screaming, I was crying my heart out and she didn't care. I tried shoving her off of me but she dug her nails into my arms to keep me quiet." Luke let out a shaky breath, releasing his tight hold on the sink and sliding down the wall beside it. Ashton came and sat beside him.

Without a word, Ashton's hand laced with Luke's and both seemed to understand where they stood without saying a single word. They would have begun locking lips if Michael hadn't started banging on the restroom door. It was show time. The two got up from the floor, Luke wiping the evidence of his absence of masculinity, Ashton helping him before they clicked the door open and were dragged onstage by their collars by Michael and Calum.

Ashton took his usual place behind the drums, twirling the drumsticks between his fingers and sending a quick wink at Luke, who was in the midst of strapping his guitar around his frame. Calum already had his bright white bass set up, Mikey's neon green guitar was ready, and the lights were beginning to change colour as the curtain rose.

Luke screamed loudly into the mic, "Hello, Leeds! It's a pleasure being here to play for you lovely people!"

And soon, they started out with Heartbreak Girl, then Try Hard, and even mixed in a few of their new songs. And since their EP was out, they played She Looks So Perfect, and even performed What I Like About You.

Towards the end of their performance, when they had time for one more song, Ashton had one request for them.

"Let's play Amnesia," he'd said. The boys agreed. Michael looked out at the happy crowd, his chest ached. He didn't want this to end.

The three boys walked mindlessly around the stage. "Alright, have you all got cellphones? Okay, great! Turn the flashlight on, but don't record, this is a song that we'd like to perform for the first time for you guys." Luke smiled into the microphone.

"This is called Amnesia."

and they rocked it.

-

{hey guys. so, you'll probably kill me when I tell you this..fragile is ending soon. it's only going to have thirty chapters..that means five more to go..so they're going to be long, yay! like this one. woo! thank you for 1.9k! means so much!<3

moral of the chapter; when everything's right in front of you that you could ever want, it's not hard wishing for something else, is it? you have everything, yet you want none of it.

- Stella ☻}