𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘰𝘯 犬夜叉 ♡ ; 𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚔𝚞 𝚡 𝚘𝚌

entry 32

my skin felt particularly cold today and I didn't know why, but then i remembered I cracked the window last night when Kagura left the room.

Kagura is starting to turn into a real strange person day after day. she talks to me sometimes but it feels... forced.

Like she is only tolerating me due to obligation and not because she wants to and its almost like... she would kill me on the spot if she could.

I pretend to be asleep but I hear when her and Naraku change shifts. I hear her complaints.

How long is she going to be here? Can't you just kill her and take the sword already? It makes no sense how long it is taking for you to decide whether or not you want to keep the girl or even want the sword.

She didn't want me there. Was I standing between her and Naraku? Did they really have a love affair? Was she jealous of how attentive he was being with me?

I didn't ask for that! I didn't ask to be here? Why was she being the way she was?

I didn't care about stealing Naraku away from her, I could care less about that. If he were to give me the option to leave today i would but.. Why did she feel so strongly against me? granted the first few days here it hasn't been easy but after a while i just eat my food, take my baths, write in my journal for hours, and go to sleep. Its a routine for me and it should be a routine for her by now!

I just.. don't understand.

Recently i asked her for a small favor.

I said Kagura I know you don't care for me but the air in here is stuffy and I feel like I'm losing my mind staring at these four walls, please can I get some fresh air?

She glared at me with those same piercing eyes for a second before focusing on the door and shifting herself up on her feet.

Don't you dare tell Naraku I did this. she snapped at me, but I had won.

She opened the sliding doors without strain in contrast to my pulling and tugging on the same door! I knew it was shut by magic!

She did it so effortlessly with just one hand and the other clutching her fan with an open and close snap! she didn't say a word, she just looked outside towards the scenery and pouted her lips with a small furrow of her brow.

She was a beautiful woman but her attitude was so sour that her choices in men would end in a brutish downfall. So sad.

I stepped outside and felt the sun had just been born since it was so big and bright, I grabbed a nearby hand mirror and stepped into as much natural light as i could and merely gasped at myself.

I was so pale, my eye-bags were red and I had lost so much weight that my cheekbones were more prominent than before.

I looked over at Kagura and she said nothing, but in her eyes spoke pity. it was then that i put two and two together.

I was being kept there to wither away and succumb to insanity.

I felt the anger in my boil once more, overflowing the kettle that was my heart. How my body was shaking so bad that I couldn't even hold the mirror in my hand.

I begged her to answer my questions and she just stood there. I cried and screamed and stomped back and forth in confusion and she just stood there.

When i sat down on the stool outside and finally calmed myself down she calmly sat besides me and spoke with that same obligatory sigh.

If you want to get your color back and your supposed sanity then we can sit outside for a while everyday. But you have to keep this between us and only us.

We agreed on that arrangement, and I've gotten some color back. Kagura has given me extra food and she's been a little more tolerable but nothing to brag home about.

Its still early, she should be coming to monitor me today.

I should close the window.

a/n♥ ; i'm suffering from minor writer's block but i'm pushing through!