The Kiss (Larry Stylinson AU) Punk!Louis

Chapter 25 ~ Hesitations

Chapter 25 ~ Hesitations

**Louis' POV**

We sat there for a while, talking about other incidents that needed to be sorted out. Like, when I visited the bakery with Daisy and Phoebe that time a few weeks ago and Harry stood up for himself for the first time. He told me it was due to frustration, that I had annoyed him by calling him perfect when he didn't see himself as that.

I did, though. Not in the same way I meant back then, but in a more... romantic way? To me, Harry was the closest thing to perfect you could come, and I meant it.

We kept talking, and when we came to why I had humiliated him in front of the students in the hallway, I told him the truth. I told him I was afraid of getting rejected by him, but also that I was afraid of getting embarrassed in front of all those people. I felt so ashamed of myself for doing such a thing to him. Instead of getting embarrassed myself, I had embarrassed him, which was even worse.

Harry understood, though... kind of. He told me that was what he thought the reason behind my actions was, but that he didn't get why I had to practically shout it so everyone could hear. I didn't either, and that just made me feel even more guilty and upset with myself than I already was.

The next question he asked me took me by surprise, though. "Why did you kiss all those girls? First Laura, then Eleanor and to top it off Sarah?"

I scratched the back of my neck, looking everywhere but him. "Um, do you remember how I was before eh... before I started having feelings for you?"

His mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. "Wait, so you um, kissed them for fun?" He asked me, hesitation lacing his voice. He didn't really seem to like the topic, and I understood why.

I shook my head vigorously. "No, God no. I uh... I kissed them to uphold my reputation. It's always been about that, upholding my reputation, I mean. It started a few years ago when my stepdad passed away," I explained, grimacing a little. This was such a sensitive topic for me.

Harry raised his hand for me to stop talking, and I immediately obeyed him, wondering what he had to say.

"You don't have to tell me, Louis. I can tell this is a touchy thing for you talk about." He gave the hand that was in his a light squeeze.

I flashed him a small smile, shaking my head. "It's okay. It happened a long time ago," I assured him, although I wasn't so sure that I was okay after all.

It wasn't Mark's death that had caused me to feel this way, but the consequences that followed after it. My mum's refusal to move on, and the fact I had to become an adult before I had even turned fifteen. When I looked back at it now, I realized how tough it had been for me, raising my sisters and all, but I also knew I could have handled it better. Instead of getting piercings and tattoos and sleeping around with girls, I could have been there for them even more. They deserved the same upbringing I had once received from mom.

I told Harry everything, from the day Mark was in the car accident to when mom had snapped back to reality a few days ago. He listened carefully the entire time and sympathetically massaged my thigh when I told him about situations that were more touchy. The gesture only made me like him even more. Those kinds of small and caring gestures were so sweet, and they made my heart explode in my chest in a way it had never done before.

Everything good must come to an end, though, and the bell was what interrupted our good this time. However, I was pretty sure it wasn't the first time it had rung since we went out here. We had probably missed at least one of our classes... not that I cared all that much about it, though.