Boyfriend Corp. Book 2 : After Contract

Chapter 50

Chapter 50

"I like you, Russ."

It just came out. Well, I wanted to say it to him long time ago but I was still unsure, kasi naisip ko na you can never fall in love with two persons or even numbers of people at the same time. But the truth is you can.

Hinintay kong tumama ang mata niya sa'kin. And based on how he looked at me, hindi siya nagulat. It was like, it was the most common phrase you can tell to anyone. And there was hope in his eyes but he's trying his best to hide it.

Napansin nina Lean na hindi kami sumunod sa kanila. Napatingin na din si Alex pero mukhang naintindihan niya ang nangyayare at mukhang may sinabi siya kay Lean at pumasok na sila sa sasakyan.

"I really do." huminga ako ng malalim. "Alam kong maling oras na mag-confess ako sayo pero at the same time, you have to know what I feel before you let go—before we let go—of once we've shared."

Ngumiti siya at sinilid ang kamay niya siya sa bulsa, still waiting for more.

"I can still feel that, even now." Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. I can still feel it inside my chest. It's still there and never left. "Hindi ka mahirap mahalin, Russ, at masasabi kong isang tanga ang taong hindi magagawang mahalin ka."

"But you're one of them."

Umiling ako, "I really like you pero..."

Natigilan ako nung bigla siyang bumuntong hininga, "Totoo nga pala yun 'no? Yung 'pero'. Mahal kita pero, gusto kita pero..."

Yes, you can love numbers of people ng sabay sabay. I've experienced that. I would never know that if I have not met Gatorade and Russ and if my feelings never came. But I met them. Pero kahit sabay sabay yun, there's always the words "than", "better" and "more."

"But it wasn't enough, right?"

Napatungo ako, "Dati iniisip ko kung bakit nagtitiis ka pa sa'kin, kung bakit nagawa mo pa akong hintayin ng walong taon eh wala naman akong nagawang espesyal sayo. All I did is make you wait for nothing and, worse, hurt you." Tiningnan ko siya. "Pero naintindihan ko."

"Dahil kay Lance."

"Dun ko narealize na kung yung pagmamahal mo sa'kin, pinagtatakahan ko pero seeing myself right now, pareho lang di ba?"

Kung bitter ako, malamang ipagsisigawan ko na wala naman akong napala sa kung anong meron kami ni Gatorade kung hindi complications, a roller coaster ride na puro steady at pababa lang... walang pataas at kung meron man, mabibilang sa kamay. Pero that fact didn't bother me. What I feel for Gatorade is the best concealer to hide those flaws.

"Russ," kinuha ko yung kamay niya, "I don't have the right to let you go but you have it. You have the right to let go."

Huminga siya ng malalim at pumikit. Pag tingin niya ulit sa akin ay ngumiti siya, "Ang sama sama mo talaga. Alam mo ba yun?"

I smiled back.

Hinawakan na din niya pareho ang kamay ko. Tinitigan niya yun ng matagal habang paulit ulit na pinapadaan sa knuckles ko ang daliri niya, "I'm not doing this for you but for me, right?"

Hindi ako umimik.

Kahit alam kong dadating ang panahong 'to... yung oras na kelangan naming bitawan ang isa't isa, masakit pa din. Hinigit niya ako papalapit.. I closed my eyes and tried to record this feeling, the feeling of him kissing the top of my head and how my heart reacted.

Pagkahiwalay niya, tinitigan niya ako sa mata. He gave my hands a last good squeeze at dahan dahang binitawan,

"Gab," I bit my lower lip, "Pakawalan mo na ako."