11/01/17

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11/01/17, in Mexico City

I was apprehensive about having to stay away from Alex, but then it seemed like he was purposely avoiding me. For an instant I was relieved, because it saved me the trouble. Then I immediately felt miffed.

Then I felt stupid for feeling miffed. Apparently, I want him to trudge along behind me like a pathetic puppy. Who am I? One guy - OK maybe two - show interest in me and all of a sudden I think I'm the Empress of France or something. It's best if I stay away from him and he from me. I know this, and I thought I wanted it, but now that I got it, it feels like it's not what I want. Whatever. This might be my one shot to see Mexico City so I need to focus on that.

I feel like such a hypocrite, hiding all of this from Grace when I had been - and had intended to be - telling her everything. But I don't even know where to begin. And I feel so stupid now, when she warned me, and I told her she was crazy. She wasn't crazy; I was. Now I'm crazy AND sneaky. What is happening to me?

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