Love, Novela [Completed]

12/08/17

12/08/17

Apparently Seaira heard about Alejandro and was worried about me. She was aware of our relationship, in spite of my foolish hopes the rest of the school was clueless. Seaira was about to leave Guadalajara, but she came by to see if I was still staying there. She picked up on the fact that Señora was completely clueless about what was going on, let alone what to do about it, and asked if I had anyone else here. Señora was just wringing her hands but Lupita, who happened to be there, mentioned Javier. Apparently he gave Señora his number once, as a courtesy or something, and she still had it.

They called. Javier came.

It's all so hazy. I remember seeing Seaira, but I thought I was dreaming. I remember some phrases being murmured by Lupita others mumbled by Señora. I couldn't figure out why. I remember Javier, too. None of it made sense then, them being there. To be honest, I'm not sure it does now.

Somehow my stuff was packed and shipped over to Pastora's house. He figured it was the best place for someone in my condition. He wasn't wrong.

What was my condition? All I know was that I was doing a lot of lying and staring at the ceiling, partly because I didn't want to do anything else, and partly because there was nothing else to do.

But somehow my mental anguish turned into actual physical ailment. Whether it was the stress, change in climate, something I ate (was I even eating?), something sick person on the plane... who knows. At first I thought it was psychosomatic, but when the diarrhea seemed a bit much for that theory. And then I didn't care. If I was going to die, so much the better. It would solve a lot.

But Seaira wouldn't let me die. I discounted her so much. Mainly because she seemed so... loose. Ha! My morals were too high to count her as a real friend. Now I wouldn't even know how to go about asking her forgiveness, or even to thank her for stepping in. I'd be ashamed to even look her in the eye.

And Javier. I spurned him. For Alejandro, of all people. And I think he suspected it. But according to Pastora's account, he didn't hesitate for a moment when they called. He actually left in the middle of his class and borrowed a car to pick me up in. 

Pastora. I spurned her too, in a different way. She was trying to reach out to me, to help me, to provide me the home away from home she knew I didn't have with Señora. I was vaguely aware at the time, and vaguely grateful. But also annoyed, because I knew that accepting her offer would be to turn away from Alejandro. I wasn't willing to do that.

And after I eschewed all of them, these wonderful people who all had my best interests at heart all along, and drove myself into the ground as far as I possibly could, they were all still there. They didn't hesitate. They just gently picked me back up.

It's always annoyed me when I see people who get an award or win an election say, "I am so humbled." No you're not. You are so exalted. Maybe you feel like you didn't deserve it (even though you applied for it!), but let's face it, you think you're hot stuff now. Definitely not humbled. I've always waited for someone to be able to use, "I am so humbled" appropriately. Well, now I can. I definitely didn't deserve their actions and, although I feel loved, I also feel like pond scum. Seeing their selfless actions next to my selfish ones make me... humbled.