11/03/2017

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11/03/2017, Mexico City

[See email to Grace for descriptions of and thoughts on pyramids]

Alex went on the outing. I worried/hoped/expected he would. A cultural icon, an anthropological marvel, and a historical landmark - how could he not! I was afraid that he would come, and I was afraid that he wouldn't. And then when I saw him I was disgusted. And if he hadn't shown up, I'm sure I would have been disappointed. Good grief.

At first I really tried to focus on the sites rather than Alex, and then for a while I actually succeeded. Alex kind of hung to the back and was quiet for a while. But, Alex being Alex, he knew more than the tour guide and ended up giving us all kinds of off-book information. I actually felt bad for the tour guide. But his information was interesting enough that I wasn't the only suck-up to pay attention this time.

I made sure to skedaddle the second we got done, before Alex could approach me. Although by this point, I wasn't sure this was necessary because he's been pretty much ignoring me the whole time. It is hard to tell to tell if he's really making an effort to honor my wishes, or if it actually isn't difficult for him. I'm not even sure which I want. If the former, I should feel honored, but I feel conflicted because of the whole forbidden romance thing. But if the latter, it would mean that the whole Morelia thing was actually nothing to him, he was just feeling lustful or trying to take advantage of the easiest prop in sight. But as crappy as that would feel, it would make it easier to forget him and move on, than to be constantly wondering what he is thinking and if he is ever going to make another move. Or if I would want him to.

I thought the whole Romería thing meant he had an actual interest in my well-being that went past drunken lust. But maybe it was just his academic zeal, because he hasn't shown any interest in me beyond that. I really don't know what I was going to happen on this trip.

I'm so glad I brought my laptop! I wouldn't have been able to survive this (or at least write fast enough) otherwise.

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