Sitting by the Fire place reading a Mystery/ Thriller His feet propped up and he is ready to take his mind to another level. Just the Introduction has a wrenching start . It begins:
I was facing a significant decision regarding my short attention span, not wanting to take mind controlling medications. I have tried them all. I do know how to think. I think about why I like doing just as I please, but my thinking takes me longer to make simple decisions. I can not make the tiniest decisions between trusting my own mind. I trust the horror of indecision. What do I do with myself? I am overwhelmed. I let others make choices for me I need to think about things. Figure things out. Decide what I need. Decide how to solve my problems. I know I can think. Emotions cloud my ability to think. I become confused but it does not mean I can not think. Overreacting impair my mental functioning. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
He paused stared at the flickering flames. He need his short attention span to stop daydreaming. Yes, back to the Mystery/Thriller
Believe that anything you imagine you can make real Believe that curiosity is the key to creativity. Now he does not think what he is reading is a coincidence. He remembers something he thought years ago
"If you don't have the memory of being loved, you are condemned to search the world for something to fill you up"
He closed the novel and stared at it's cover. He just refuse to believe the author had a plot that he in real life would want no part of. He looked around his Mansion. It's quiet and he was doing some soul searching. No this is not the Master bedroom. He is at 100 Carolwood but what part of the Mansion is he in. He opens the novel back up and he continues on:
Overreacting may impair our mental functioning. Telling ourselves we have to be perfect. Second guessing and what ifs. People told you you can't think. Using our minds inappropriately. Difficulties with subjects in mind control . Make choices that enhance our self-esteem. Don't let your thinking become irrational. Learning from yourself. Your thoughts are keys to my feelings Our feelings are keys to our thoughts. He stopped again. He just wanted to treat his mind to some peace and calm. Ask for help to stay sane. Somebody please send some inspiration. He now realizes he is abusing his mind. The novel has him worrying. What can he do behind huge gates to feed his mind. He is out of touch no way to get information. He keeps reading:
Feed your mind some healthy thoughts Say I. H e stopped again. He need to stretch his brain. Why is he thinking bad thoughts about himself. He close the novel and stared at the flickering flames. The introduction is rather long he flipped through the pages catching titles of chapters like Top Hollywood Private Eye and then another chapter Confidential Informants. Surveillance Cameras and he flipped some more Sensational Disclosure. He closed the novel and he closed his eyes and there were tears. A place he once loved so much just popped in his mind. A place where he felt at home more than anywhere. Flashes of screaming girls and of words that when he opened his mouth a since of wonderment and amazement. The way he heard his clothes swished and bling blinding from the cameras glare. His tears stopping short of giving himself his own tearful kiss. He opened the novel to just anywhere there in the pages spawn out for him to gasp. The next words:
"Accept and be true to your heart whatever it may say"
This part of the Mansion he comes to read this novel. He flips though the novel to just catch the titles of off the page but quickly and again: Sinful Shame then onto Innocent Feelings and on to and then somewhere near the last chapter Final Curtain Call: he closed the novel and let the tears flow. This is the only part of the Mansion he can shed his eyes out. The rest of the Mansion shadowy characters. Bizarre intimacy. Controversial scruffy hangers ons'. Revealing scents. Outside the huge gates a stunned Los Angeles. Devastated sadistic terrifying headstrong accidental impartial spectacular time frame. He opened the novel and flipped the pages stopping at yet another chapter Hidden Passions. He closes the novel for that night after he saw the word STAGE
