Fourteen and Pregnant

The Reason Why

Brandi turned the screen so that we could see it.

“Ok. Here we go. See right here, that’s a little boy.” She said pointing at the screen.

I looked over at John. He was smiling.

“And here, we have a baby girl.”

I instantly started grinning and laughing.

“So, do you have names for them yet?” Brandi asked.

Me and John both looked at each other.

“Uhm, yeah. I think we agreed on the names.” John said.

I nodded.

“Amberley and Bryce.” He said.

“Good names.” She smiled. “Well, we aren’t quite finished with the tests yet, so we should go finish those. John you can either stay or go to school.”

“I’m gonna stay. I’m too happy to go to school.”

That was the first time I had ever heard John say that he was happy. Hearing him say that made me happy.

We walked back to Brandi’s room.

She handed me a little cup.

“I think you know what to do with this.” She said.

“Yep.” I started walking to the bathroom.

I looked back and saw John and Brandi hugging.

I kept walking, did what I had to do, and walked back.

Brandi left the room.

John came over and hugged me.

“Lexi, seeing those babies, our babies, made me realize that they’re actually living things, and that they’re gonna need me. Maybe not so much now, but once they’re born, they will need me. That’s why I’m deciding to stop using drugs, no matter how much I feel that I need them.”

“Really?” I said, starting to cry.

“Yeah.”

“But what if you relapse again?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“How do you know though?”

“I’m gonna get rid of everything I have now, cut off all ties with my dealer, and I’m also gonna go to a rehab center.”

“You are? Did you tell your mom?”

“Yeah, I told her that I wanted help with my drug problem and she told me that she would pay for me to go to a rehab center.”

“John, I’m so proud of you.” I stood up and hugged him again.

Brandi walked in.

“Well Lexi, everything looked good. You and the babies are healthy.”

“Good.”

“Well, I’m gonna head to school. You need a ride?” John asked.

“No. I wanna stay and talk to Brandi for a few minutes, if that’s ok?” I said, looking at Brandi.

“Yes, it’s fine.” She said.

John gave us both a hug and left.

“So what did you need Lexi? Is something bothering you?”

“How do you do it Brandi?”

“Do what?”

“How do you seem so perfectly fine?”

“I’m still not sure I know what you mean.”

“You’re getting divorced, John does drugs, but you seem so happy.”

“Well, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m getting divorced for a reason; John does drugs for a reason. I may not know why, but I feel something good will come from it.”

“Do you think that I got pregnant for a reason?”

“Yes.”

“So, why do you think I got pregnant?”

“I believe you got pregnant so that John would stop using drugs.”

“You know, that kind of makes sense.”

“Yes it does.”

She looked away from me for a second and then looked back.

“Lexi?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m very grateful for you.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. I never imagined that my son would be a dad at 15, but I’m glad that he chose you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because you’re very responsible, caring, loving, you’re everything I wasn’t when I was pregnant with John. You’ll be an amazing mother when those babies come.”

“Thanks, but what did you mean when you said I’m everything you weren’t?”

“Lexi, I’ve never told this to anyone, not even John’s father, but I did drugs when I was pregnant, and after John was born. I was lucky that he was a healthy baby.

“Really? You don’t-”

“I don’t seem like the type? I know, but I went through a rebellious phase after my dad died. I started using heroin and meth. I used it so much that I couldn’t think straight. That’s when I got pregnant. I used when I was pregnant, and about 4 years after John was born. I finally stopped when I realized that he knew what I was doing.”

“Wow. That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, but the worst part for me is that I believe I’m the reason that John does drugs.”

“Why do you think that?” I asked.

“John saw me do drugs whenever something bad happened. That was my way of dealing with the pain, so as he grew up and bad things started happening to him, he started doing drugs just like I did.”

“Wow. I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, but I do want you to promise me something.”

“What?”

“I want you to promise not to tell anyone about this, not even John.”

“I promise.”

We both stood up, and she came over and hugged me.

“Lexi.” She said, starting to cry. “You may be a lot younger than me, but you’re like a best friend to me. I feel like I can tell you anything.”

I just smiled.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Do you need a ride to school?”

“Yes, please.”

She drove me to school. I checked in at the main office and walked to my 3rd hour class.

As I was sitting in my desk, I realized that Brandi was in a lot more pain than I thought she was. It amazed me how some people can seem so fine when they’re hurting so bad.