Something New // Niall Horan

Decisions

*~: Niall :~*

Most of my very, very early Christmas morning was spent either nursing Noah's infant cries, or my own.

If people were bungee cords, I was broken. Snapped in half. Stretched continuously, and then forced to wrap around the fact that Chris had done this, and that Cara had let him. Except, I couldn't, and now I was merely a scrap of cord, tumbling helplessly along with the jumper as I was separated from my other half, until I'm plunged into the icy depths of a river or lake far below, or caught on branches of the tallest tree, or just left to free-fall from the edge of a stone arch bridge, cars mindlessly bolting past the scene. Unaware.

As Noah yet again screamed from his sleep, I rushed from my place staring blankly at our Christmas tree, to the crib I had built there earlier for the party.

My thoughts remained dormant for a few forgotten minutes until finally, I realized how hopeless it was to get Noah to be silent.

"Shh, shh." I cooed, crossing my fingers. When he kept on with his wail, I scooped him into the burping position and bounced him gently, holding him close. He calmed, but only slightly.

How did Cara do this? How did I once do this? Quieting this child now seemed impossible.

He knows. I can't fathom how this instinctual, young baby could know of the sadness weighing down on me.

She could have called for me. She could've brought me in there and let me beat the shit out of the prick. But instead, she had sex with him. What did I ever do to deserve this?

Not even a day ago, I had presumed that, by this time, I would be happily engaged to the woman I love. Contrarily, she is now God knows where and I doubt we will ever speak again.

Of course, at this rate, I will have to let her see Noah...

I got it!

Rushing into our - my - bedroom, Noah still to my chest as he gripped his small, blue dog teddy, I pulled the shirt you-know-who was wearing earlier today, before our gathering, out of the wash basket.

"Noah, shh, I love you, I love you, shh-shh." I put the shirt over my other shoulder and switched the side that Noah was cradled in.

The shrill cries he was emitting two seconds before quieted quickly as he snuggled in, dropping his teddy and instead grasping the shirt with his tiny hands, and my help.


Oh, he definitely knew. He missed his Mum. If I could even call her that anymore.

She'll probably call me in the morning, begging me to listen to a twisted truth that's only vaguely believable. She'd beg for me to trust her, that she's not lying, and I would deny her. For what other explanation is there? She slept with Chris, and that's all there is and ever could be.

Setting Noah for some tummy time in his crib, I ate food. Truly, I don't even remember what I stuffed shamelessly down my gullet, only the thoughts remaining in my memory.

I gazed at the Christmas tree, mind running over the events of tonight for the millionth time. It's somewhere like four in the morning, and yet I'm not even slightly tired. Not yet.

I'd set a timer on my phone, just so Noah doesn't get too much tummy time. But I didn't care. It hadn't gone off yet, anyways.

As my eyes began to glare at the glowing fir centrepiece of the den, I felt like crying once again. I hated this place, possibly merely for the fact that /it/ had happened here, and that /she/ had once lived here with me. And Noah.

How could this be so bright? I thought, blinking at the tree. How does it shine, when it's so dull?

After tummy time for Noah, I wrapped him in Cara's shirt.

I knew that he'd definitely need to see her, sometime.

But I'm not going to her. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction.

No, she'll get to come to Mullingar for him; or /wherever/ I decide to settle.

I settle into an uncomfortable, dark sleep for the next six hours on the couch, still keeping an ear open for Noah.

Although he doesn't cry for the rest of the night.

~





"Hell-o?" I recognized the voice as belonging to Greg, my older brother. I was actually glad he answered, because talking to Mum right now would easily result in me crying again.

"Hey, Greg! Nice to hear from you," I put on a false cheery voice, hoping that my brother would not notice. "I didn't know you were at home, you should've come to our Christmas party last night, bro. Is Mum home yet?" I tried to act as if nothing had happened.

"Um, no, not yet. She's getting back tonight so I can still have a dinner with her. And," he cut off what I was about to say, "Before you ask, I'm at Mum's place because I'm watching the house for her. Paranoid, she is."

"Oh," I breathed. I actually /needed/ to talk with her, despite my joy at talking to my brother for the first time in, well, forever.

"Did you wanna call back?" he asked, dismay in his tone.

"No, it's okay. I can ask her later. Em, I actually need to talk with you."

"Is it Cara?" I was both surprised and not when he called me out.

"Em, well, she... did something she shouldn't have. She, cheated." I hated saying it out loud.

"Actually? From how Mum talks about her, I'd never think she'd do something like that. But, I mean, if you know the whole story, then I guess that's it." He wasn't happy with me, and what I was about to say would not improve.

"Well, eh, I don't know if it is. We have... circumstances."

"I know all about that." There was a pause until what I knew was coming, came. "You don't know the whole story!?"

"Nope," I shrugged off.

"Then ask her," his tone was firm.

I repeated my previous answer.

"You'll regret it," he surrendered after a few minutes of trying to convince me to cave and find out the "truth." What else is there, though?

"I'm sure." Ah, do I ever love sarcasm.

"But.... Didn't you love her?"

"Yeah," I agreed nervously. What was he trying to drag me into? "I should be engaged by now."

I was met with silence.

"Greg, you there?"

"Yeah. Sorry," he seemed distracted.

"Greg!"

"Yes!" I could practically hear him jump.

Silently sniggering, I asked, "What should I do?"

"Get over her. Duh, dummy."

"Do I pretend like it didn't happen?" I refer to back... before I met Cara.

"No! If you do that I will beat your ass. It did happen, and you're better because of it. Find another girl, who you like a lot. And date her."

Date? I have only ever really dated Cara. Well, seriously dated.

"You sure?"

"Definitely. Now, I gotta go." Then, I could hear a female voice in the background.

"Tell Mum I called?"

"Yeah," he rushed. "Now bye."

Before I could respond, the line went dead.

Well, at least I knew what I needed to do.

Since Mum will definitely let me stay with her briefly in Mullingar before I find I place, I knew I had to move with her and, once I find an apartment, meet a girl.

Yes. For once in my life, I knew what was going on. And I wasn't going to let Murphy's Law ruin anything this time.

If something is going to go wrong, it will.





A/N: Sorry short chapter.

Please check out my Harry story 'Recovery' thanks :)