Finding Fate In The Club (Jacob Black Fan Fiction)

Chapter.68

Hey Everyone,

Sorry for taking so long, I had alot going on with my birthday and all. But I also was asked to promote someone's story. I'm always willing to help people with their stories, so I have the link on the side. It is by MiracleHappened, called "Why Don't You Love Me?" From what I have read it's a good beginning to a story, so you definitely should helpher out and read it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob and I had a long conversation that night about his past. It was hard to get through, knowing how much he had done, or how many in fact. It made my stomach twist and turn in all the unpleasant ways when I even thought of another woman enjoying my him; my finance, imprint, my Jacob.

I could still hear his silent tears; the outline of his shoulders shaking of shameful sobs, the feel of wet tears running down onto my skin. I held him that night and whispered sweet "I love you's". Jacob only held me tighter, saying that he didn't deserve me and that he was sorry. I could say that night brought us closer together in some ways, but other ways drifted us apart. I didn't mean to.  It's just every time Jacob and I have tried to become intimate in the bedroom, I'd shy away. I just couldn't enjoy him like I used to, knowing those many women had kissed the skin I kissed, had the same manhood inside of me as they did. 

I wasn't perfect either. I had sex with two guys before I met Jacob, and I know it drove Jacob crazy at times, but it wasn't two girls or more every two days like Jacob had for years. You can imagine how that number adds up over time.

It's been two weeks since that night. Jacob and I were begginning to make more plans for the wedding. I had a few lunches with Alice, and introduced her to Emily, and Sarah. They all hit it off wonderfully and looked like we all would keep in touch. Jacob insisted that I kept my word to seeing my family soon and that's how we ended up here in an airport.

I sat here picking my fingernails nervously, I havent' seen or spoken to any of my family in years. Mom and Dad never wanted to get in contact with me. I guess the only reason I'm doing this is to give them a second chance at being in my life, and also for my little sister. 

_____, she is the only reason I want any connections to my family. I was the one that practically raised her;  took her to her ballet, school, paid for her clothes and food. My parents were too busy working they made excuses on how hard they were working for both of us. But if that were true we would have been spoiled, we didn't get an of it. They spent it on themselves, or gambling money. I at the age of 16 had to work two jobs and keep school going for myself and my little sister. I grew up very quickly, and I hate my parents for more reasons than just stealing my childhood.

"Christi?" Jacob squeezed my hand, "Are you ok? You look quite intense?" 

I faintly smiled at Jake, "Yes. I'm alright, just running through alot in my head." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now." I removed my hand from Jacob's and got up to get a coffee from Starbucks. 

God Christi, what is going on in you're head. You're pushing Jacob, the love of your life away. I know he did alot in his past, but it's his past! My subconscious was screaming in my head, but my heart was prideful, hurt, and disgusted. It'll pass. It's something we'll have to work through, also you're just tired right now. 

I sat back down with Jacob with coffee in hand. Jacob and I have never had an awkward moment before, until now. We sit here silent, not daring to look at each other. My heart was aching for his love, I was longing for Jacob to hold me. But I couldn't help but think, how many women have been embraced as I have in those arms? I hated that my mind worked faster than my heart sometimes. I grabbed a magazine and began to read to pass the time.