Fractured

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Luke managed to get a few names out of him - family members that had records of abuse that could help including her mother and even himself; we just had to look deeper.  As of now, that wasn't a concern of mine. 

Five minutes into driving in that car with him after leaving, I couldn't take it anymore. "Pull over," I said in a shaky voice.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I needed to be away from him, the suffocating air between us because with everything I just found out, the last thing I needed was that tension between Luke and I in that stuffy car.

He didn't question me on it.  Luke understood what just happened and how it was affecting me - mainly because it also affected him.  Out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but snowy cornfields around us, Luke pulled the cop car over on the shoulder of the vacant road. Vacant.  Nothing around us.  That's the best thing I could have asked for. 

Once he stopped, I threw open my door and got out.  "Just give me a minute," I said to his worried expression before slamming the door behind me, welcoming the fresh cold air around me.  Holding my coat to me more, I took a few steps along the shoulder and leaned against the side of the car.

Breathing a sigh of relief at being alone out in the open, that tension was no gone - the awkwardness between Luke and I, I mean - I looked out across the country.  It was a weight lifted and now, I had space, even if just for a minute. 

I knew I had to get over my personal issues with what Martin told us.  Honestly, it was scary and it freaked me out.  I mean, I know I'm strong and could try to shake that nasty little tradition our family has.  But the more I think about it, the more realistic that future could be for me.  Because Clare tried.  She tried not to be like them and it didn't work.  And now, she harassed and abused me worse than anyone else in the family has.  She was the worst to me; so how could I shake that? 

Having kids were off the table.  It was a sad fact.  I mean, I never planned on having kids in the first place because with my position in society, who would want a crazy girl for a wife?  Who would want to have kids with me?  But even still, I always liked the idea of having children.  Now, that idea was shifting to where I would be too scared to have kids if ever given the chance.  It seemed like too big of a risk, even if I thought I could break the cycle.  That's what Clare thought.  She thought she could break the cycle but she didn't.  She made it much worse. I didn't want to risk that.

But even if I don't have kids, would that still stop me from becoming like Clare?  I had no idea and that idea would haunt me until one day, I would find out. 

My eyes were closed, my breaths were heavy, and my head was pounding now.  I didn't want to get back in the car, no matter how cold it was outside, no matter how long I have been leaning here against the car. 

Opening my eyes, I looked out across the fields of snow, a highway in the distance, and a stop sign to my left where the road was.  I bit my lip, looking down as my thoughts continued to spiral out of control; with 'what ifs' and different ideas where I might end up. 

I don't know how long I was leaning against the car for.  Probably a while when I heard Luke's door open from behind me and I knew he was getting out to check on me. I appreciated the fact that he gave me time to myself for a bit.  But now, I knew he needed to make sure I was okay.  Either that or we needed to leave.

Eyes finding him as he walked around the car to where I was standing, I gave him a small smile even though it was forced.  Stopping next to me, he leaned against the car next to me.  His hands buried in the pockets of his coat, I felt him sigh from next to me, his shoulder pressing into mine.  As he stood there next to me, looking out into the empty field from the side of the road, I could feel that tension evaporate, even with him right next to me.