Fractured

Chapter 72

Chapter 72

"Albany," I heard a deep voice a few feet from where I was against the wall.  Against the wall yet in a dark and confusing pit at the same time.  Looking up to my left where I heard my name being softly called, I noticed that Jackson, that asshole, was looking down at me from where he peaked out of the door.  And with his head bent, he was staring down at me.  I saw something I didn't expect from him.  It went along the lines of worry over me. 

His damp looking locks of dark hair behind him, it left his eyes clear to look deep into.  I saw the brightness of that color, the excitement in his eyes again.  But this time, it was without that assy attitude in his gaze.  Did it really matter though?  I was happy they all gave me a while to think - but it wasn't enough.  I went over everything, every possibility, ever reason on both sides whether or not I should go.  And I still felt just as torn in half and tortured with this choice. Because it was an obvious choice and yet, a very hard one to accept.

I was shook up to say the least.  I could feel each second count in the building of that lump in my throat.  It made me realize just how often I have been giving into that urge to let it out; maybe a bit too much or way more than I usually would.  After all, I don't like crying, never have and usually refused to cry.  Now, it just seemed like a habit.  But one that had a right to be an actual habit.  I felt my entire body off balance and my mind in a slow pain that wouldn't leave unless I had Luke in my arms, with us safe, and with no worries.  That was not an option.

"What do you want?" I groaned, looking down away from this confusing and seemingly bipolar man. So weird... his stare was filled with interest yet his words before were so mean.  And trust me, it's not like it bothered me; I'm not the type to cry when some dude is being mean. It was just strange to see this combination in him.

I watched him stare down at me for a long moment when I looked back up at him.  He walked out of the room and into the hall.  The door closing behind him, it was just me and him.  "I want... to," he sighed and didn't look enthused to go on.  "I want to help you," he seemed very embarrassed to say.  "And I want you to make the right choice here.  And that choice needs to be that you leave with me and these other agents.  You need to be safe."

He stood before where I was sitting on the floor against the wall.  His eyes in mine, the entire time, I watched as he crossed his arms across his chest.  Just... watching me.  His eyes so interested, curious, almost enticed as he searched my face.  I ignored it and instantly let my thoughts fly loose. 

"I owe the people I care about much more than just leaving."  Yeah... I owed them a lot more.  God, I couldn't imagine leaving them behind.  It would kill me; it felt as if it was already doing that job now.  Christ!  I mean, I wrecked Luke's life - killed his baby, nearly killed him enough times, let his brother get shot.  That's not even mentioning Mike and Jan... oh god.  They are in so much pain... and it will be because of me that Brooke won't have a father to run around with and play.  I took a huge chunk away from all of them.  And if I leave... what would that say about the kind of person I am?  What would that say about my love for Luke?  I loved him so much.... I couldn't leave him like that - with no answers!  I couldn't leave Luke....  "I did so much to damage them.... And right now, Luke needs me.  I need to show him how sorry I am; I need to be there for him!  He just lost his baby... and we have been through so much for me to just... fucking abandon him!  He's been there for me through everything!  I need to be here for him!"

"I think it's time you started thinking about those people's well being," Jackson said to me in a whisper.  I watched him as he crouched down in front of me, staring at me.  He had hard and guarded eyes... ones he was almost forced to put up.  "Be honest with yourself.  You hurt them so much.  What better way to make it up to them?  Leave.  I know you don't want to hear that.  But if you stay... do you know how much more they will hurt.  Especially your stepfather?"