Fractured

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jan and Shannon picked me up to go shopping with them for Christmas.  I was a little reluctant to begin with but I went anyway.  There was some tension there at first since Shannon and I weren't exactly that close.  Later I found that that tension was there for a different reason.

We were looking at clothes for Brooke. While I helped try to find some things she might like, my thoughts kept traveling to what I needed to shop for myself.  I honestly didn't know if I should get anybody anything; it wasn't like I ever shopped for people before let alone for Christmas.  I wanted to get Luke something and maybe Francis.  But it wasn't like I knew what Mike liked or Jan.  Clare was off the table so we can just forget I brought her up.   And it wasn't at the top of my list to get anything for Shannon either. Hell, I didn't even think they were going to get me anything anyways.

Either way, I picked up some duct tape and a few cards.  Before you say anything, remember: first time guys.  Cut me some slack.  And the duct tape is for something cool so don't judge!

When Jan said she wanted to go look for Shannon and wanted to split off for a bit, all I could do was internally sigh.  I was left alone with Shannon in the middle of the mall. Joy to the world.  Looking into her light brown eyes as she stood before me, she glanced to me after she watched her mother walk away towards another store.  She gave me a small smile and I saw something rather shocking coming from her and that I didn't see earlier today.  And that was guilt. 

Clear and honest guilt and sympathy; it confused the hell out of me coming from someone who seems stuck up a lot of the time (or maybe just around me).  We had a few nice conversations in the past but they were all full of some type of tension and some forceful smiles.  Now, we were all alone in the mall and I could feel something else in the air between us.  And I wasn't sure what it was but I knew it was something big that was never there before.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" she asked me, looking towards the tables set up at the food court.  Only a few other people around to stare at me, the smell of greasy food, and knowing I could finally sit down after hours of walking around... hell yeah man.

"Um, sure..." I said, still unsure what was up with her.  Eyeing her up, she just nodded and smiled before she quietly walked towards one of the tables with me behind her.   

A few minutes later, we both had our food and were sitting across from each other.  Taking a bite of my cheeseburger, I looked back up to her and noticed something strange: she wasn't eating.  She was just staring at me with a tormented stare, shoulders tense.  When she saw that I caught her eyes, she took a shaky breath and looked down at the table. 

That didn't stop me from stuffing my face full.  I had a good idea what her issue was at first: we were alone together.  At least, that was my first guess.  After a few more minutes though, I second guessed myself because there were a few things that just seemed off.  I figured she would be a little snotty towards me but she looked so full of grief.  After a few more bits and a sip of pop, I realized it had to be something else that was bothering her like this.

I still couldn't go on sitting here with her, knowing there was something she needed to say to me, whatever it was. An insult, confession starter, a joke... whatever but it looked as if she would get sick soon if she didn't do or say whatever it was to me.

"Are you alright?" I asked.  "Food not up to your overly high standards?" I asked politely to disguise what was a slight insult to her.

 She took a deep breath, resting her elbows on the table after pushing her food away from her.  Her eyes meeting mine in a more meaningful manner, I saw her jaw tighten before she spoke, her voice nothing but a whisper it seemed.