Fractured

Chapter 60

Chapter 60

I was here for hours now.... And leading up to where I was now, sitting on a kitchen floor against the lower cabinets, was a haze.

I finally... finally after running for so long, got to Jan and Mike's house and found the key Francis told me about.  And when I got in the house itself... was vacant and cold with them having not been here for a long while.  Both were occupied elsewhere concerning living arrangements and Mike's job, obviously.  Which was the best thing for me.  I needed to be alone to hide.  I needed to be away from people to keep them safe.  And this place was perfect since, if nobody followed me, nobody would suspect to look here. I tried to make sure of that as thoroughly as I could too. 

I was very careful about everything the second I stepped onto the property.  I was quiet as I could be, I turned no lights on when I got inside, I didn't do much.  I just got inside and locked the door.  And the first thing I did after that was go to the sink in their grand kitchen; I lowered my head into it, putting my mouth to the faucet and taking a large drink.  Of ice... ice cold water, making the boil in me fizz down.  It felt so good... so good after all that running and how tight my chest burned.... It felt good and was a relief.  But not by much compared to what my thoughts were pushing at me. 

I knew I was safe in this house.  I was here for hours now... sitting on the floor, freezing.  Because after I took a long drink, I moved over to the shadowed corner of the kitchen - and sat along the cabinets below the counter.  My back against the cabinets in the shadows on the floor, I felt hidden.  I felt safe.  Especially as I sat there facing the door with a gun poised in my hand.  I wanted to relax, lay down and give my mind full permission to let go....  But I couldn't.  I needed to make sure I was safe for the rest of the night. 

That was just it though.  I knew enough to be almost positive nobody was going to barge in.  Its been hours... and they would never come here if they were looking.  But I needed to be on guard still - and most important, I wont dare relax. 

I refused to do that.  Luke... Luke wasn't relaxing and safe in some house like I was for the most part.  He was out there and who knows in what state.  Dead or alive... he was cold.  Fighting still or not, running or not, he wasn't safe.  I felt it in my bones.  He wasn't safe and I felt he would never be unless he is here with me.  My head said he was dead.  My numbed brain... it kept wanting to repeat that to me, as if on a loop.  As if I could even think about that.  That's why my body rejected that, and I couldn't think about it without feeling sick. My body rejected it... just as my beating heart had.  Even though I knew how real that was and a possibility. 

My eyes traveled... and even stared off into space as I thought over everything that happened.  Over the events... over the men I shot... over wondering about Luke....  But I wouldn't face away from the front door as I was thinking.  I was a number of yards away from the door in this large kitchen, almost straight across from the door.  But as long as the door was in sight, that's what counted.  Just to be safe... just to be alert... and just because I had to with Luke still out there. 

It took all of my strength to stay on this kitchen floor in the dark.  I wanted to get up.  I wanted to go outside and look for him.  Find him.  Hold him to me and most importantly tell him how much I loved him.  I never got to say it... and was fearing with my entire self that I never would get that chance to now.

I wanted to find him... so badly.  But for one of the first times, I understood.  And... no matter how very terribly I wanted to, I couldn't go and look for him.  Because I realized... realized very quickly why Luke did what he did.  Realized why Luke made me leave him like that.  And it was to protect me... to protect me in the form of risking and most likely giving up his own life for it.  That's right guys... I didn't realize it until I sat down here, ready with a gun, just what he must have done and what it meant to let him do that.  Because there were too many people there, too many for only one guy to take down. But enough to distract long enough to let me get away....