leather journal / h.s

46

M A R Y

"this entry is called undateable."

harry had his green eyes glued to the worn pages of his journal, the dim light from one of my lamps casting his shadow on part of the book. he wore reading glasses, something i didn't really know him for wearing but still looked cute despite the circumstances.

this was all too ironic for my taste. something told me that this would just be about how he thought that no one would commit to him because of his fame. and that was scary, because before he had showed up i was thinking about the exact same thing. just not considering leaving him, was all.

i watched intently as the sun started to set through my only window, the beautiful view almost as beautiful as harrys face. he licked one of his clean fingers and turned the page to the one he must've been searching for.

he looked deep into my eyes, waiting to start. "ever since we won the x factor, i was scared." he gulped and i felt my stomach tensing at the emotion in his words. why had he wanted to share this with me so badly? reading these entries with harry was showing me a more intimate side to him, and that made me fear the unknown even more.

"i was scared that no one would want to be in a lasting relationship with someone that was always in a spotlight." he said, his voice shaking. i didn't know what to do to console him. there was nothing i could do. "because who wants to be mobbed by fans, slandered in countless magazines, and have paparazzi following them like a locus swarm? i won't want that for my future girlfriend. and she won't want it either. so maybe she won't even want me.

"i mean, yeah-- we all have our shortcomings-- really. but the burden that being famous came with? no one person should have to deal with that without signing all the contracts bound to the lifestyle.

"i just hope that someone would like me for just me. and they'll be able to see past all the obstacles. because im sick of having my heart broken time and time again." he finished and his voice cracked.

i could tell he was fighting tears, even though he wasn't crying just yet. i shut the journal for him and tucked it under the covers behind us, pulling him in for a warm embrace.

words couldn't describe how close i felt to harry after every time he either had me read his journal or read from it himself. he was letting me into the realms of his mind time and time again. it was so intimate.

"harry, it's okay." i said calmly, kissing him swiftly on the lips. "im here now. and i don't care about all that."

his heart shaped lips that usually formed a grin were now turned down in a frown. i knew what he was thinking. he didn't believe me.

the room was quiet and all i could hear was his heavy breathing. i watched in silence as his chest heaved up and down like he was sobbing, though he wasn't.

"are you sure?" he asked suddenly. "are you sure that you're not just saying that because im on break and everyone has decided to leave me be, only for now?"

and the scary truth was that i wasn't sure. yes, i was falling for harry with every passing day. but that didn't stop the fact that i wouldn't be able to handle all those obstacles when he was put back in the limelight. because we were a package deal, and that meant more people paying attention to me as well.

"the bakery opens tomorrow." i made a painfully obvious attempt at changing the subject. "are you going to keep working it when the break ends?"

he just stared dead at me, no emotion in his face. i could tell that he was hurting, but i didn't know what to do to fix that. "im starting to think that maybe i should stay on break forever and we should just break up the band." he choked out. "me and the lads have had enough of this but we just don't want to let the fans down."

i knew he was only saying that because he thought that when the break ended he would lose me. but that was far from true. i didn't want to be the cause of one of the world's most famous bands splitting. i didn't even know i had the power to be that influential.

"don't." i said tersely. he raised an eyebrow and looked down quickly. he wasn't being himself.

"you can't just break a bond like that over a girl. a thief at that."

harrys head snapped up at that, which i hadn't expected to happen. "you're not just a girl, mary." he scolded me. "you're my girl. and i may have my boys, but no one comes before my girl."

it seemed a little much, seeing as we had only been dating for a couple weeks now. half a month and he wanted to split the band up for me? there were boundaries, and harry had gone well over his.

but still i just weakly smiled and nodded. hopefully he wouldn't come close to carrying out that empty threat, or else i would never forgive myself for letting the thought linger.

"anne said she'll be flying in tonight." harry half smiled, the subject changing once again in a split second. "she'll be at the grand opening. you're still coming, right?"

my mind drifted back to how much i was going to have to haul ass after school tomorrow. "yeah." i smiled from ear to ear, because i really was happy to be starting this business with harry. it was exciting.

"you should probably get there by about five." he thought for a second. "the fans will likely show up around six since it opens at seven. then we can work the bakery for three hours and louis will close up shop at like, midnight maybe."

the idea had its flaws but that was fine. "im sure half the people in there will only come to meet you."

harry shrugged. whenever he didn't care that much, you could tell he had a plan. and i trusted that. "i have a way to make sure that if they don't intend on buying anything they can't come in. just trust it, the place won't be overflowing like you expect it to be."

i nodded. my mind was in all sorts of places, but there was one thing constantly on my mind.

"school starts tomorrow."

harry smiled. "and im sure you and penny will have a nice first day of senior year. remember,
ive been there and done that. it isn't too bad."

i rolled my eyes playfully and pulled the journal from back under the covers. "here, take this back." i cooed. "and next time, don't read me something that's sad as shit. read me something happy."

i handed it to him.

"noted." he grinned and stood up from the bed. i did the same and stood in front of him.

"good night lovely, see you tomorrow." he mumbled and planted his lips to mine. we kissed for at least five seconds without stopping, with a cheeky bum grab somewhere in between. "ill text you the address."

"okay," i said, my voice light and bubbly. "and harry?"

"yeah?"

"my sister, lilac, she said that you made the right choice." i said shyly, feeling flattered. "you know, by choosing me. i didn't think she'd say that to me."

harrys smile wouldn't go away. "well, i don't see why she wouldn't. because she was completely right."

he left without another word.