leather journal / h.s

30

thank you for the reads and support, here's an early update! it only takes 3 seconds to comment and the more comments the sooner I will update! I don't want this story to look like it was a complete flop. I hope you guys understand :)

*

M A R Y

he looked stricken with confusion and hurt as the words left my mouth, making me wish that i hadn't started what was supposed to be a fun game into a morbid game of the third degree.

but instead he just gave a half smile. "what do you mean?" he asked me, making my heart rate increase. "what the band is going to do? or what happens between you and i?"

just him giving the possibility of our friendship being damaged because of his returning career cast a dark shadow on my heart. it was about to be autumn soon, and when the next year turned over on the calendar and three months passed he would be gone from my grasp. off to perform in the world of fame. how was i to deal with that?

"um...." i thought. i didn't want to put too much pressure on him. he seemed too fragile for that. "i meant like... what are you and the band going to do? sixth album? new music?"

he stroked his imaginary beard in humor, reaching for another white chocolate chip cookie. i would be so mad if he ate them all. those were my favorite. "the band is thinking about starting to write the album when the break is officially over." he stated. "when it's over, we're just going to do little concerts in parts of the world we haven't been to yet. some places in australia, new zealand. puerto rico, the list goes on and on."

my heart warmed at the thought. "that's so kind of you all. im sure you're sad that zayn isn't going to be joining you."

harry shrugged. "he might." he said, tossing the words around like it meant nothing to him. "just for a concert or two... to say hello to the fans. he misses them. but we're all still the best of friends."

that was a nice thing to hear. as far as i had heard, when zayn had left the band... he had left their hearts. boy, was i wrong.

"oh," harry added, his eyes staring into mine. "and when my career starts back up again, doesn't mean that what we have will end. i promise you mary. we can make this friendship work."

friendship.

"y-yeah." i stammered, a pain in my chest arising from his words. i wanted to keep in contact with harry, i did. but i wasn't sure how much longer it would take to drive me crazy; seeing harry all the time and not being able kiss him, to cuddle him.

"is something the matter?" he asked, leaning in intently and searching my face for any emotions. im sure he found plenty.

"no." i bluntly lied again, but as soon as i said the lie but tongue stung-- figuratively, anyway. "yes." i went back on my own words, feeling much more content with the truth.

"what's wrong?" he asked, scooting closer to me. i felt terrible in ways unimagined.

there was no way that harry could know everything without me lying. i wasn't just going to come out and tell him that i wanted to be just more than friends. i wanted to kiss him everyday, go to sleep with him every night like this, and wake up next to his sleepy face like i did on the way home. i couldn't just tell him that he was making my heart stop every time he spoke my name, and that i had grown feelings for him within a week of meeting him. i couldn't tell him that his leather journal was directly under us, safely hidden under my bed. i couldn't.

"im sure it's nothing." i lied to both him and myself, and nothing could feel worse.

"oh." he said, and i could tell i had ruined the playful mood.