What Happened to Us?

Chapter Twenty One

***IMPORTANT A/N AT END***

(Katherine's POV)

I stare at my arms intently, they are covered from wrist to elbow in weeks worth of cut marks.

Some have scabbed over, others are still pouring fresh blood.

I smile, the cuttings really...helped? I don't know..

But ever since I've started it, it's been a way for me to relieve all the pain and guilt from my body.

Cutting is really the only time I feel anything now it seems, the rest of the time I'm on shutdown mode.

Staring at all the harsh jagged marks around my skin, it makes me feel proud of myself.

Proud of hurting myself.

Proud of getting back at myself for what I did for Lauren.

I know she would probably be proud too...

I pause for a moment, in shock as to how messed up my way of thinking has gotten lately.

How messed up I've gotten lately.

I'm not the same person I used to be, that person is completely gone.

My sisters know it, and I know it too.

If I'm being honest with myself, I know I should get help. I know this is dangerous.

I know that half the time I can barely stand up because I'm so dizzy from the blood loss.

But I don't want to get help.

It's funny, my way of feeling my emotions and expressing myself has changed so drastically.

It used to be in the form of a pen and notebook.

Now,

It's blood and a clipped metal blade.

How messed up is that?

Is this how Lauren felt?

I feel a pang in my chest at simply the thought of her. The past few weeks...they've gone by in a haze.

It's like I'm living in the twilight zone.

Our parents have been locked away in their room since Lauren's been in her coma.

Christina's had to step up and be the parent, despite her not being in any way emotionally fit to do so.

But then again, none of us are.

Not to mention, Lisa's anxiety has gotten worse.

Much much worse.

Paranoia and guilt have twisted her into an entire different person.

As it has with me.

Dani has simply done her best to stay out of our way, somehow providing for herself.

Amy sits in our room and plays songs on her guitar, songs that she says she dedicates to Lauren. If anything she's coping the best out of all of us.

But all of us are just so broken.

And my biggest fear is that, even if or when Lauren wakes up....

We'll already be broken beyond repair..

___________________________

A/N: hello kids THANK YALL SO MUCH FOR 3K AHHHHHH!!!!!!

but ok the important thing about this A/N is that, while reading this chapter please don't EVER think of using self harm as a method of coping.

It is not good it is not beneficial it will not help you.

Katherine's emotions towards self harm during this chapter are simply for the sake of the story

Please do not think self harm is an ok thing to try.

However, if you are currently struggling with self harm or have in the past, plz don't hesitate to message me if you want someone to talk to, I promise I'm here for each and every single one of you!! <3

Love y'all!!

- Annie :)