Words a Mother Never Heard (Wattys2016)

A Mother's Memories

As I sit and try to get my memories in some sort of order that makes sense to the reader, it's like watching a waterfall of Nichole. I just want to share more of my beautiful baby girl with you, so if they are out of chronological order please forgive me.

When Nichole was a baby she hardly ever cried. I think that's because she was always being held by one family member or another. She had a sweetness to her that everyone found compelling even as an infant. It magnified as she grew older.

In grade school she always received high praises from her teachers. She loved school and when she was younger she even loved home work, if you can believe that! Of course that changed "just a little" as she grew older. She got good grades all the way through school. The subject she struggled with the most was English which I find kind of ironic.

We lived in a small town called, Grand Rapids in Ohio. It was a safer time back then and the children had more freedom than they do today. Even so, I was I will admit, over protective of her. She bucked at that because she wanted to go where her brothers went and that was NOT happening. If you recall reading the chapter Nichole and Jason, I questioned him when he was telling the story of taking Nichole fishing. There is no way under the sun I would have allowed that, I must not have been home that day and the got one over on their dad. Yeah that's it!!! Lol

The scariest thing that can happen to a parent is not knowing where your child is. This happened twice in her lifetime. The first was when she was about 4 years old. I had my three children with me,  my brother's wife was with me too and she had her two with her. Nichole wanted to go through the store with her Aunt Michelle. I called out to Michelle and told her she was coming with her, I thought I heard her acknowledge this. My mistake! A little while later we met up, I said "Where is Nichole?", She replied, "What? She was with you." "No she wanted to go with you, didn't you hear me?" She said "Oh my God, where is she?" We went to the front of the store and notified the guard at the front lobby, giving him her description. The store called a "code Adam" which is what was done when a child couldn't be found. The store was suppose to go on a shut down until she was found. About half an hour past, it was the longest half hour of my life. Eventually I went back up to the lobby frantically looking for her. There she was playing on a little coin operated car. I yelled at the guard and said something to the effect of "ARE YOU STUPID, SHE'S RIGHT THERE AND YOU DIDN'T SEE HER??? I also said some words that would make a sailor blush. I grabbed her in my arms and crying I just held her close and sobbed, so grateful she was ok.

The next time something like this happened she was about 9 years old.The town we lived in had a turn of the century train called the Bluebird Express. It took visitors from our little town to the next small town called Waterville, to shop, eat or just stroll around. The towns were only about four miles apart and the train station was about three blocks from our home. Welllll Nichole and a friend of hers slipped onto the train unnoticed. Which to this day amazes me, you needed a ticket to board. How in the world they got on, I will never know. Needless to say everyone we knew and the police were looking for them!! Almost four hours passed. I am still surprised that I didn't have a heart attack!! When the train was coming back to Grand Rapids and the girls tried to board they were told they couldn't get on without their parents. Nichole said they started crying and said they rode the train to Waterville and wanted to go home. The conductor notified the police which were waiting at the station to pick the girls up. I was so angry with her but when I saw those beautiful blues eyes of hers all puffed up and swollen from crying, my heart just melted. I gave her "the speech" then I hugged her so hard she probably couldn't breathe.

I would give anything in the world to have the police bring her home to me, and to wake from this 11 year old bad dream.

When Nichole was  10-years-old she was allowed to finally go to Cedar Point. It is a huge amusement park in Ohio. I don't remember enjoying the park that year because my time was spent being mother hawk, watching her every move. What I do remember was the way she laughed and squealed with delight as she rode the rides with her brothers for the first time. She returned every year after that, she was fearless, the scariest rides were her favorite. She absolutely loved the roller coasters.

When Hayley, her oldest niece was allowed to go to Cedar Point, Nichole rode all the "baby" rides with her. I could see the longing in her eyes to ride those roller coasters. Finally I told her go have fun. We decided on a place to meet up and after that Nichole stayed with us the rest of the day laughing and being silly with Hayley. It was magical watching her interact with Hayley. I couldn't help thinking what a wonderful mother Nichole was going to be some day, but that was not meant to be. That was the last time Nichole went to cedar point with me. She was 19.

In high school, Nichole was a cheerleader. She looked so cute in her outfit. I loved watching her at the football and basketball games. She was so enthusiastic and was great at getting the crowd riled up.  She was so full of life and had so many friends.

She participated in a play her junior year. She was a natural. She was so expressive in her role.

Nichole was also a member of the Queens Court at her senior prom. She was disappointed she didn't win queen but I told her it was still an honor. She looked so beautiful that night.

When she turned 21 the only thing she wanted was to go to Canada to see the male dancers. She was 21 after all. I wanted it to be a special night for her. I rented a limousine, she had several friends come and of course myself and her Aunt Jody. Jamie wanted to come with us but she is three years younger than Nichole and was not old enough. We all took so many pictures and had so much fun that night. Nichole came to me that night and said, "Momma, could you please make sure 'He' doesn't find out where we went tonight. He will be angry, I told him you and Aunt Jody were taking me out for a few drinks." That both broke my heart and made me very angry. I was not going to let him mess up her special night! We all continued to laugh and have fun. We even all pitched in and got her a special dance, it was where she was called up on stage and the guys all danced around her. She loved it and played right along with them, moving to the music and yelling "woo-hoo" along with the crowd. She was never one to shy away from the spot light. The limo driver said if anyone got sick in the limo, there would be an extra charge of 100.00 per accident. On the way home Nichole got kind of green around the gills. She looked at me and said "Momma", I grabbed the closest thing around and held her hair back for her as she got so sick. When she was done she told me she had the best night of her life and that she loved me so much. Isn't it funny how even a memory of her getting sick is special to me.In case you were wondering the male dancers were not nude. By the way the above picture was taken in the limo.

On Valentines Day in February of 2004, I met Nichole for lunch. I took her a stuffed Dalmatian. It was the kind that you could record a message in, so when you pressed it's paw it would play back the message. The message I recorded was, "I love you so much my baby girl and I am so proud of you." She started crying, hugged me, and holding the dog to her chest, told she loved me, too. I have that dog in a plastic bag and believe it or not it still smells like her.

A short while later, Nichole told me she had met the man she was going to marry. I was very surprised to say the least. She told me all about him and how he made her feel so special. She said he treated her like a lady, a way she was not use to but she said she loved it. "You're going to love him, Momma", she said. I asked,"Well when do I get to meet this special guy and why have you kept him a secret?" She smiled and told me she wanted to make sure of him first. I told her I was looking forward to meeting him. Nichole died six weeks later. I  met the young man at her funeral. I told him that Nichole told me she had met the man she was going to marry. The look in his eyes was so sad. He hugged me and said, "She was right." We both cried.

Thank you for allowing me to share more memories of  my sweet baby girl, Nichole. I miss her so much, I talk to her all the time. Please take a moment to vote if you liked reading about my memories.