Words a Mother Never Heard (Wattys2016)

Please Allow Me To Tell You About Nichole

She came into this world on a cold winter's day in December of 1980. We lived in small town called Clearfield in the state of Utah. She was born in a military hospital on Hill Air Force base. She was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen. No really, she was!

When I found out I was expecting again, I prayed hard for a little girl. God had given me two beautiful, healthy boys, but I longed for a girl. I had read somewhere that if you avoid red meat and eat mostly veggies and chicken, you would be more inclined to have a girl. Let me tell you, absolutely no red meat crossed these lips for nine long months! And while the intellectual part of my brain knew better, I did it anyway. And hey, it worked! I was so sure my baby was a girl that I had my family convinced, as well. They all sent Christmas presents for her that year, even though she was not here yet, and every gift was for a girl!

Nichole was born with such a sweet disposition. She was a very loving little girl, and her brothers absolutely adored her. That never changed! There is a story I used to tell her about the day she was born. She loved to hear it, and I would like to share it with you.

Like I said we lived in Utah, and man is it cold in Utah in December! We lived in an apartment complex just outside the base. We had one car and no phone. I knew my neighbors casually and they were very sweet people. The neighbors next door and the ones upstairs always said if we ever needed anything to just let them know. Well... The morning of December 29th, I got up with my husband and saw him off to work, it was about 6:00 am. He couldn't have been gone more than fifteen minutes when I laid back down and BAM - my water broke! I got up, changed, and put on my robe and slippers. With my boys sound asleep, I set off for some help. I went next door and banged on the door - no answer.

Determined not to panic, I trudge upstairs and bang on that neighbor's door - no answer. Thinking, "REALLY! 6:15 and no one is home? Oh crap, now what?"

Then, I remember that my boys would sometimes play with the neighbor kids that lived in the last apartment down the next row. Reluctant to leave my sleeping children alone (I never lost sight of that apartment), I trudge through freezing, cold snow up to my calves in only my house slippers, and bang on that door. To my great relief, the lady who lived there answers. "You look so cold! Come in, sweetie." So I enter her apartment. I explain that my water broke, and I need to contact my husband immediately who is working on base. "May I use your phone?" I ask.

"Sure, no problem," she said. Then, she goes on to say, "Ya know, I have been living here for a few years now, and it never fails. Every winter someone's pipes break."

"Oh no, ma'am," I reply. "I'm pregnant, and my water just broke and I have no phone."

Her eyes grew as wide as saucers! Gently, she takes me by the arm and leads me to a chair, all the while saying, "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!"

So my husband comes flying home, and this sweet lady watches my boys while we go to the hospital. Three hours later, my precious, little angel was born.

Did you know that you could bring your child home without a name? Neither did I! My husband and I could not decide on a name. You see, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to name my future daughter Crystal Marie. Well, our last name was Ball, and I just couldn't do it to her! We eventually named her Nichole Danielle, "Sissy" to her big brothers.

She was such a sweet little thing, so tiny, with big, beautiful blue eyes and thick, golden-blonde hair. Her brothers were so protective of her as a baby, and that never changed. Her older brother Jason taught her how to dance. He would have her step on the tops of his feet and slow dance with her. Nichole and her younger cousin Jamie liked to play dress up. And Jason, along with their cousin nicknamed Tiger, (Jamie's brother) would sit and let the girls curl their hair and put make up on them and dress them up. The boys would then parade around for them, much to their delight. I have evidence that this happened - pictures are great for black mail!

Her oldest brother Random did not go for the whole make-over thing. Instead, he would read to her and they would play with her dolls. Throughout the years, my three children remained very close.

As Nichole grew up, she continued to be a girly-girl. But being raised with two older brothers, she didn't take any crap from anyone! She had such a wonderful relationship with each of her siblings, and both boys considered her to be their best friend. She adored her Grandpa and would call him up and say, "Grandpa, I got one for you," and would proceed to tell him her latest joke. She was always so much fun, telling jokes and acting silly.

When she was little, I was her Brownie leader and I loved helping her earn her badges. Nichole was so proud of every one of them! She used to sit for hours and let me brush her hair. Even as a teenager when she wasn't feeling well she would say, "Momma, please play with my hair till I fall asleep." As a young women, she would tell her friends that her Momma was her very best friend. God, to say I miss her just seems so inadequate.

I would also like to mention that the phrase "It gets easier with time" is BULL!

On March 30, 2004 at 1 am, we got the call every mother and father prays they never get. I can tell you first hand no parent should ever have to identify their child on a cold slab in a morgue. Nichole was driving home on windy, country roads, and the police surmise she swerved to miss something in the middle of the street and lost control of her car. She did not have her seat belt on and was ejected as the car rolled over four times. Her roommate was in the passenger seat and had her safety belt on, she walked away without a scratch. Later, after going to the crash site, I found several personal items of Nichole's scattered all over the ground, and much to my horror, I could see the impression of her body in the mud. You see, the police said that when she was ejected, she was somehow thrown in front of the car, and as it rolled it landed on her once and then kept going.

Nichole had two nieces named after her before she died and one nephew after she died. All three are her brother Jason's children. Two of her cousins have named their children after he as well. She adored her nieces and nephews and would jokingly call them "her little dirt balls" (that is their last name). When she died, they colored pictures for her and signed them, "We love you Aunt Nichole - Love, your little dirt balls". Needless to say, that broke my heart even more.

My daughter was a beautiful young woman, but like so many young girls, she didn't feel beautiful. She was always bummed that her cousin Jamie was better endowed than her. That was kind of a running joke between the two girls. Nichole always thought her oldest cousin was so beautiful and wanted to look like her. I do believe that before her death she finally came to realize her own beauty...her final poems will show this.

I could go on and talk about Nichole for an entire book, filling each page with the many reasons why she was so amazing. But I won't. What I will do is share her very personal and private thoughts with you.

I know she would approve of what I am doing. Above all, Nichole wanted to help people, and it is my heartfelt wish to share her words so they can reach out and touch even one young person. To truly give you a picture of my daughter's heart, I leave you with this true story.

As she was going to work one day, Nichole saw an old man holding a sign that said, "Hungry, please help". She stopped and told the man, "I have my last ten dollars, and it is yours if you promise me you will go to church on Sunday." The old man said, "I'm sorry, but I cannot promise that." Nichole thought for a moment and said, "Okay, how about this? Pray with me now, and my last ten dollars is yours." The old man said, "I can do that." They prayed together, my daughter and that hungry man, and she gave him the only money she had, and then went on her way. This incident was confirmed by a young man who I will tell you about a little later.

Nichole had so much to say - please, allow me to share a part of the beautiful Angel God gave me, with you. I have so many little stories about Nichole and I will be sharing them with you as we go along in chapters like this one. Sharing Nichole with you has already lightened my heart and I am sure it will continue to do so as we go along. I hope you find her words as well as mine to be helpful in some way as you travel your life's journey.

I would like to thank you for allowing me share some of my memories of Nichole. I will be posting more of her poetry every Friday and on Tuesdays I will share more stories about her. I hope it touches you as it does me. And please don't forget to vote.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to maryltabor.