for the hope of it all // Sebastian Sallow x reader

P2 Chapter 5: Desperation

Sebastian's POV

I lean against the walls in the Undercroft that I seem to know all too well by now. My fingers trace the walls and I recognize every single buckle and imperfection. It's kind of soothing to know something that well. Before my 7th year I had spent many evenings here. With Ominis, with Anne, with Y/n. But none of it mattered now that she wasn't here.

I promised her that I'd wait, so this is how I spend my nights. Waiting for her to come back. The last year, when I was in misery, she was the one being there for me. And in the end, I was never really there for her. I understand why she left. She must have felt so alone in our relationship, and I cannot imagine anything worse. Feeling lonely when you're with someone you love. Of course I knew she loved me, but maybe that was the problem all along. That I was always too aware of her emotions, which made me take them for granted. It's an easy thing to do, but even harder to recognize when you're actually doing it.

Someone enters the Undercroft and my hopes go up. I turn around and see Ominis, which is not a disappointment but not what I expected. Our relationship had been icy ever since he came back from his family dinner this spring. He had forgiven me once, but I struggled to find a way to make him do it again. Honestly, I cannot even remember what I did right the last time.

''Do you ever leave this place?'' Ominis asks in a cold voice.

''I'm waiting for Y/n,'' I tell him in a low voice.

''I remember one thing from last year,'' Ominis starts in a very serious tone. ''I remember you and me, here in the Undercroft. And I told you that if you broke her heart, I would never forgive you. You broke her heart and here we are.''

Ominis is staring me down. I avoid looking at him because I feel ashamed.

''So,'' I begin. ''That's why you're upset with me? Not because of... What happened with my uncle?''

Ominis looks at me for a good moment and I feel like I might sink through the floor out of embarrassment.

''Well, that event was very unpleasant. But since I seemed to have forgiven you once, I have let that one slip. Again.'' His voice is harsh. ''But you swore to stay away from her if you couldn't make sure you would break her heart.''

''I apologized...'' I tell him, holding my tears back.

''I know you're not stupid, Sebastian. But I have to ask you, how dumb can you be?'' Ominis voice is getting more and more upset.

I start tracing the walls with my fingers to calm down. I feel as if I might break any seconds.

''This isn't going to be okay by a simple sorry,'' Ominis tells me. ''You need to show her why she should choose you over herself.''

''And how do I do that?'' I ask Ominis. My tone is hard, but my intentions are genuine.

''For starters, waiting for her here in the Undercroft won't do it,'' Ominis says and looks as if he's almost holding a laugh back. ''You need to do something. Make her smile, make her feel like you add something good to her life.''

''She said she despises me,'' I tell him in a sad tone.

''Isn't it only reasonable that she feels that way?'' Ominis asks curiously. ''I mean, she finally gave in for you and you smashed her heart into pieces. I certainly don't blame her.''

I look around, feeling embarrassed and unsure what to do. There is something in what Ominis is saying. I can't just wait here, waiting for her to show up. I need be there for her and make efforts for her.

''She's going on a date with Garreth Weasley,'' Ominis breaks the silence with his calm voice. ''This weekend. If I were you, I wouldn't interfere with that. Let her choose. She's a smart girl. In the end she will choose whoever brings the most good things into her life.''