for the hope of it all // Sebastian Sallow x reader

Chapter 17: Midnight

Trigger warning: This chapter contains references to mental illness and suicidal thoughts. Stay safe, friends ♡

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It is almost midnight when Ominis and I return to the castle. In hopes of finding Sebastian we head straight to the Undercroft. As suspected he is sitting on the floor with a book in his lap. I have no idea how he manages to read in the awful light, but he seems to enjoy it. When he hears us he quickly stands up.

''How is she?'' He seems tense, but I cannot blame him. I would be too.

''She's doing alright, despite the circumstances.'' I tell him. ''She got a thestral.''

He lets out a sigh of relief.

''I always told her people consider them a bad omen, but she refused to believe it. She always loved them.'' He tells us. ''Did she ask anything about... Me?''

''A bit, of course.'' Ominis tells him. ''But she hasn't changed her mind, if that's what you're really asking.''

''Understood.'' He says and turns away, walking back towards the corner where he was sitting before. ''And the prophecy?''

''It's worse than we expected.'' I say seriously. ''It will come true, unless we stop it. Someone in Ominis' family will give birth to the darkest wizard yet to exist.''

''So it's all a bit... Problematic.'' Ominis says, it almost sounds as if he's holding a laugh back. ''The ironic part is that I'm not even surprised.''

''I'm sorry.'' Sebastian says seriously. ''Let me know if there's anything I can do.''

''Nothing, for now.'' Ominis walks out of the Undercroft.

''He probably needs some time alone.'' I say. ''This journey was exhausting for him. Especially after finding out about... Everything.''

''I bet.'' Sebastian says.

His mood is clearly off. Likely, mine would be too if he were to visit a sibling who didn't want to see me. He sits back down on the ground, pulling his knees to his face and puts his face in his palms.

''How could I be so dumb?!'' He cries out. ''I should have listened to you all. I went too far.''

His cries are echoing slightly in the room. I have never seen him cry before and it hurts me so much. All I want to do is make him feel better, but I don't know how. I sit down next to him, putting my arms around him in silence. I kiss the back of his head and use my robe to wipe the tears from his face.

''I messed up so bad. How can I ever forgive myself?'' His words are barely understandable now that he's crying even more intensely than before.

''You need to find the will to forgive yourself.'' I whisper into his soft hair. ''You have to accept the damage you did and find some peace with yourself, Sebastian.''

He turns around and hugs me. I hold him while he's crying so hard that he's gasping for air. I tell him to breathe deeply with me. Eventually he calms down and stops crying. His eyes are red and puffy and he looks concerned.

''Do you think she'll ever forgive me?'' He asks quietly. He looks ashamed.

''She wants to.'' I tell him. ''She told me she wants to.''

He looks up at me.

''Really?''

I nod and give him a slight smile. It seems to bring him some comfort, knowing that she at least wants to forgive him. I just hope that it will be enough for him to start his own journey on forgiveness.

''You know, this summer when I was all alone... The feelings were eating me up.'' He says quietly. ''It was so bad. I could barely look at myself in the mirror after what I did. I wanted to end it. All of it.''

His words make my stomach twist into a knot. It hurts to hear the words slip out of his mouth, but it hurts me even more knowing he had to deal with those emotions all by himself.

''Oh, Sebastian... I'm so sorry you had to go through that.'' I whisper. ''You're so brave for telling me. You don't have to go through this alone. You have me.''

He squeezes my hand and I squeeze his hand back. Squeezing and kissing his hand has become my way of telling him that I love him without actually using the words. They feel too big, too scary. So I keep them for myself.

I don't know how many hours we spend in the Undercroft. It could be an hour, it could be all night. But I hold him until we fall asleep on the floor. I want to kiss him until I can't breathe, I want to kiss him everywhere to take his pain away. But I know that tonight he needs me as a friend. Even if he doesn't use the word 'friend' to refer to me any longer, I know that it is in that way he needs me tonight. So I hold him in my arms, stroking his hair  until he falls asleep, eventually falling asleep myself.

The next day I wake all tangled up in him. Our legs have intertwined and our fingers are twisted together. Even though it's cold in the Undercroft I'm warm due to his body temperature. I roll around, my back is aching from sleeping on the floor, and lie face to face with him. He's still asleep, slightly snoring. He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping and I wish I could make him have that look all the time. I kiss his nose, then his hand. His eyes open slowly, looking drowsy as he pulls me closer. He gives me a cheeky smile, despite just having woken up.

''So this is where I gotta spend the night for an awakening like this?'' His morsning voice is deeper than usual and it almost gives me shivers. I never knew you could be attracted to someone's voice, but this made me realize how much I love listening to him.

''I suppose so.'' I say whilst moving even closer to him, allowing me to feel his body close.

''I could do this every day.'' He says as he presses his lips on my temple, causing me to feel a rush of heat running through my entire body.

We lie there even longer, backs hurting from the night on the floor, but not wanting to move away from the position we're in. His index finger is tracing my the lines on face, it's almost as if he's trying to fill in the lines. My upper lip tickles as he's tracing it, causing my face to light up in a smile. I kiss his index finger and he stops moving. Holding his finger completely still. He rolls over onto his back and puts his hands on his face.

''You're actually driving me crazy.'' He then says, almost looking embarrassed.

''Let me.'' I tell him daringly.

''You already have, love.'' That's the first time he ever called me a nickname that isn't 'new girl'. My heart starts fluttering.

Now it's my turn to roll over and cover my face with my hands. I feel my cheeks lighting on fire, most likely turning them into a bright red color. He sits up and looks over at me with a massive grin, then takes my hands into his and removes them from my face. I try to roll away, so he won't see my face but he shakes his head and gets on top of me.

''Oh, you're not going anywhere.'' He says, still grinning. ''Let me see that face of yours.''

For every second that passes, I'm blushing even more. He's looking at me with fiery eyes, then eventually leans forward and kisses me all over my face except for the lips. Then, he sits back up and looks down on me.

''Oh, did I miss something?'' He asks firmly. I nod. ''You know what to do.''

''Kiss me.'' I say and he looks at me, as if he's deciding whether or not he should do it.

He leans back forward and kisses me, cupping my cheek with one hand and his other hand in my hair. I feel as if someone lit fireworks inside of me, hungry for more. When he's done with me, I feel like a blushy mess.

''Well, that's one way to start the day.'' He gets up and grins at me.

He offers me his hand to get up on my feet and we leave the Undercroft. In the crisp daylight I notice that his cheeks are also flushed. I smile for myself, thinking that I'm falling so hard for him.