𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 • ᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

Dear Diary 20.5

Dear Diary,

Where do I start? Do I start from when I walked back into school? Do I start from when he looked at me and didn't look away? Or do I start from when he ran over and hugged me?

I was so scared when my mum dropped me off outside the gates. With each footstep onto the school's grounds, I could feel my heart rate increasing. I felt stupid for keeping my ring in my pocket. I couldn't let my mum see it, but I also couldn't face him when thinking that he'd thrown his away last night.

It was cloudy this morning- dull, like my mood. That was until I saw him leaning against the wall outside the front doors. His arms were crossed against his chest as he locked eyes with me. At that moment, a gap appeared in the clouds and a beam of light fell on him. He really is an angel. He shone so brightly in front of me. I was transfixed in a trance as his arms slid to his sides and he walked across to me. He didn't walk for long, he quickly went into a sprint. He was sprinting at me. He was smiling at me. He didn't hate me.

I'll never forget the way the light followed him. Heaven hasn't denied him, but what does that mean for me? I could almost see the wings on his back. Maybe Heaven doesn't hate me if they've put him in my life?

He held me tightly. I could feel the warmth from his body and the sun beaming down on us. It felt so comforting. I didn't want to let go and it seemed neither did he. His hand came up to my face, and he brushed a thumb over my bruised cheek from where my father had slapped me. I flinched at the touch and I could see the pain in his eyes. I could tell he still cared for me, but I wasn't sure he cared for me the way I cared for him.

Other students passed us and it wasn't until the bell for first class ran that we actually entered the school. I let his hand slip in mine while he led me to our classroom. I wanted to saviour as much warmth as he was willing to share with me. I thought he didn't know the truth behind my actions yesterday. I wanted to hide or joke about it but I knew it was wrong. I couldn't lie to him again. I can't hurt him like that again. He needed to know the truth- he deserved it.

The first few classes went as normal. We talked as we walked between them and my imagination started getting the best of me again. I was analysing the way he stood closer to me and our hands would knock. He'd laugh and smile each time, but my heart ached. I wanted to be able to hold his hand again. School wasn't the right place to do something like that. Nowhere in this town is safe for me to openly express my feelings for him. I'd have to wait until we were in private. However, I didn't have to wait long.

As soon as the lunch bell rang, he came to my seat and waited for me to finish packing my things before taking my hand again. I let him lead me through the hallway crowds to an empty stairwell at the back of the school. He didn't waste a second to pull me in and place his lips on mine, our fingers locked. His lips were so soft, softer than I remembered them being.

I cried as he pulled away. He didn't hate me. We ended up not eating lunch. Instead, we sat on the steps and had a deep talk about our feelings. I cried a lot and so did he. It felt so good to confess everything that had been on my mind.

He is my love.