Saving Me

Chapter 37

"What is on your mind?" Jess asked as she plopped down on Lynn's bed and grabbed a pillow to hug it to her chest. "Come on Sis, I can tell something has been bothering you the past couple of days. What's going on? Spill."

Lynn sighed and shook her head, she didn't know what to say or even where to begin. I just have a lot on my mind that's all, she signed and moved some hair behind her ear.

"Well, spill it," Jess smiled. "Tell me everything and maybe I can help."

I don't think you can on this, she shook her head. Besides I know what answer you would give.

"Oh, it's about the boys!" Jess whispered loudly. She dropped the pillow she was clutching and jumped out of the bed. "I will be right back!" She hollered as she rushed out the door. Lynn shook her head and a few minutes later Jess came back with two bags full of snacks. "Ok girl talk time!" She beamed as she plopped back down on the bed.

Lynn shook her head but smiled as she walked over to the door, shut it, and locked it. She crawled into bed and grabbed the white chocolate M&M's. What is love? She asked nervously as she started separating the colors. It was a little quirk of hers that she had to separate the colors of her candy and then she ate them two pieces at a time. Like really what is love? I know what it says in the books and I thought I had it with you know who but then I see how Lilly and her husbands are and now I don't know if I really know what love is.

"Oh we're going deep," Jess said seriously and sighed, "Well, I don't know for sure what love is but I don't think anyone really knows the true definition of love is because it's different for each person. What I think love is may be completely different than Kota or hell even Owen or Raven. There's different kinds of love Sis, and I'm not just talking like family love or sibling love or friend love. True love is different for each person."

So how do you know you are in love then? She signed in confusion.

Jess sighed as she tossed a gummy worm back down in the bag. "Well, I guess you would have to know what your version of love is."

What if you don't know? Lynn asked.

"Well, what is your dream life?" Jess asked softly. "Like don't think reality. If there was a genie that would grant you your deepest wish, what would your life look like?" Jess moved the snacks to the side. "Honestly, no judging, no secret squeals of pleasure on ideas, no matter what, what is your dream happily ever after?"

Lynn sighed and shifted her green M&Ms back and forth between her hands a few times in thought then sat then back down on the plate. I just don't know anymore. I used to have one idea as a teenager then it shifted with you know who and then I saw the way the guys treat Lily and then earlier outside I just had this feeling and I just don't know anymore.

"What feeling?" Jess asked curiously.

Lynn blushed and looked down at her hands then bit her lip Just peaceful, my mind was calm and quiet for once in such a long time. Looking around seeing everyone all there just doing their own thing but yet still together, it was like the perfect day. I was just sitting there painting and you were there reading in the sun and all the guys were there doing their things but if I looked around I could still see every one of them. We were all together and my mind was quiet. My heart wasn't racing and there was just a calm around us even with a few of the guys bickering and playing around. It was just perfect. You asked what my dream life would be and it would be that every day. I know it's not possible realistically but still that would be it. All of us together like that.

"That would be perfect," Jess smiled and squeezed her hand. "You know I can't live with you forever though right? One day I will find my own love or loves but we will still be sisters and visit so much it would be like we still lived together. Could your dream life be that but with me just visiting?"

Just me and all the guys? She asked and Jess nodded. I doubt they see me like that she shook her head.

"Are you blind?" Jess laughed and Lynn glared at her. "I'm serious," She calmed down. "Okay, let me ask you some questions and I want your first thought, no second guessing, okay?" Lynn nodded. "When have you ever heard those boys ever give any female a nickname besides you?" Lynn thought about it for a few moments then shook her head. "Exactly, you are the only one that has ever been worthy of a nickname. Now another question, who was able to pull off the miracle of getting Owen to start calling us by our first names?" Lynn blushed and looked down at her hands. "Exactly, you. Now have you ever seen North or hell even Raven carry any of their exes like a bride or hell even pick them up and carried them?" Lynn shook her head. "Exactly, they only do that with you or me when I'm hurt or just exhausted but I'm their little sister so that's a given. Have you ever seen them dote on anyone besides me or Momma, even their exes the way they dote on you?" Lynn shook her head, "Exactly, Sis, they treat you like a fucking queen because you are their queen, their one love. They love you, hell they have loved you even before you married the asshole but they respected your relationship until they found out the truth. Have you ever seen those guys get so angry before once they realized how he was treating you?" Lynn shook her head again. "Right, it's because you were hurt, their love was hurt and they couldn't protect you like they wanted. Hell, Raven and North were ready to team up and tear this world apart looking for you and you know how those two are. You are the only one that can get them to work together unless it's for mission or something like that. They love you Sis, they are just waiting for you to heal and no longer be afraid to learn what true love is and give them a chance."

But what if something happens and we break up? I couldn't lose you Lynn signed nervously and Jess burst into laughter.

"Oh hell, that will never happen," She said once she calmed down. "Even if something did happen and you split up I would chose you over those losers, but don't even think about it because it will never happen. Hell would freeze over before they hurt you."

I wish I could be as sure as you are, she signed while biting her lip.