Saving Me

Chapter 34

Things were going good for a few weeks and they had fallen into a good routine. Lily had given her a large paint by number the day before so she wanted to go outside and enjoy the sun while she painted. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail and grabbed the paint by number and her supplies then headed down the stairs. She headed to the back door and was suddenly hit with a fear of going outside by herself. She tried to reach out and grab the door but her hand froze and she couldn't. She started gasping as she felt her chest tighten with the thought of going outside by herself. She wanted to go but she couldn't make her body move because her mind was racing with the thought of something happening to her even though logically she knew she was okay and all the horrible things in her past were over with.

"Doll, what are you doing standing there?" Axel asked as he came out of his office. He came over to her and instantly recognized her panic attack. "Hey Doll, it's okay, just breath," he said moving her stuff that fell to the ground out of the way. "HEY DOC!" he called out as he took her hands in his and placed them on his chest.

"He's at the hospital," Victor said coming downstairs. "What's wrong?"

"Doll is having a panic attack," Axel said calmly.

"Oh Princess," Victor raced over to them, "just breathe Princess, we're right here. You're okay, you're safe, we're here, just try and copy Axel's breathing nice and slow. In and out, that's great Princess, in and out, nice and slow."

"What is going on?" Jessica asked as she came inside from running errands. "Sis what's wrong?"

"She's having a panic attack," Axel said. "But she's overcoming it." He ran removed his hands from over his on his chest and held her face in his hands, "That's it Doll, good girl, keep feeling my breaths, in and out, that's it, good girl."

Lynn inhaled shakingly and blinked back tears. "Oh Sis," Jess said shoving Axel out of the way and pulled her into a tight hug. Lynn clung to Jessica and hid her face in her neck. "Come on, let's go into the library and calm down." She gently led her inside and shut the door. Once the door shut and they were sitting on the couch in there Lynn burst into tears. Jess just held her and let her get it out of her system. Once she was calm Jess handed her some tissues and helped her clean her face. "Want to tell me what happened?"

I wanted to go outside and paint that picture Lily gave me, Lynn sniffled and wiped her eyes again. I thought I could go outside by myself but once I reached the door all these what ifs filled my head and I froze. I feel so silly because I just wanted to go in the backyard and I can't.

"Oh Lynn," Jess smiled softly. "It's okay, it really is. It makes perfect sense that your mind didn't feel safe for you to go outside on your own. I don't even leave the house on my own and I haven't gone through what you have physically. I still have one or two of them go with me when I leave. Don't feel silly."

But that's actually leaving the house, Lynn shook her head. I just wanted to go to the backyard. I shouldn't have to bother the guys just to babysit me while I go in the backyard.

"It's not babysitting and it's not bothering us," Axel said coming into the library. "Doc wants to give you a check up and make sure you are okay."

She nodded and they left. Once Sean was sure she was okay he smiled, "So Pookie, do you think maybe some anxiety medicine might help you?" She shrugged and he gently squeezed her hands. "I think we could try and see how it goes. I want you to understand that it will take some time to find the right dosage so I need you to be honest and let any of us know if something feels off so we can make sure everything is okay or if we need to make some adjustments. It won't be instant and will take about a week or two before you notice anything but it may help you start to feel control over those pesky fears and thoughts, okay?" She nodded and he smiled. "Now since I am now off work how about we go surprise Owen at work?" She nodded and Axel took the prescription.

"I will go drop this off," he said then kissed her forehead and left.

Sean held her and led her to the parking lot. "I'm going to head out with Victor and go pick up some groceries and a few other things," Jess said hugging Lynn. "You have fun with Doc and Owen. I'll see you later. Remember what I said, it's okay." Lynn nodded and followed Sean to his car.