Sorry | Spencer Reid Fanfic

Chapter 21- Mom

The Spencer and Olivia both acted normally when they got ready for the day, as if the events from early that morning had not happened.

"Spencer, I have to go to my office to see a client. I'll be back by lunch if you want, we can eat toget..."

Before she could finish Spencer interrupts. "I'm a not going to be here at lunch."

"Never mind then," she smiled.

Spencer avoids her eyes. She purses her lips uncomfortably. "Bye." She waited for him to say something, but he didn't. Eventually she left. Spencer sighed, consume with guilt. But he just had nothing to say.

He finished his coffee and put on his coat.

45 minutes later he was shown to his mother's room by a nurse.

"She is having a good day today Dr Reid. We are glad you were able to make sometime to come down today." They arrived at Diana's room. "Diana, Spencer is here." The nurse left allowing Spencer to enter on his own.

"Hi, mom." Diana looked up from her book.

"Spencer." Her face lite up. She stood up and Spencer clung onto her like a baby.

"I missed you mom."

"Then you should come see me more. Let's get you a coffee." She patted Spencer's back, urging him to release her.

Spencer watched in awe as he saw the mother her remembered from long ago.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"JJ told me she loved me." Spencer stared down at his shoes.

"Another spoon of sugar then," she decided, stirring more sugar into the coffee and handing Spencer a mug. "So, JJ says she loves you. Ah now that's big." She addressed the situation as they walked out of the kitchen. "And... err. Where does that leave you?"

"Honestly, I have no idea." Spencer confided in his mother. "She said she sometimes think about what might have happened if things had worked out differently."

Diana motioned for him to sit. "And what did you say?"

"To tell you the truth, I think about it a lot. I didn't think I would ever get to talk to you like this again. This is really nice." Spencer sit in an armchair opposite his mom.

"I know, and I know it's been hard for you." Diana grimaced.

"Mom, your disease is not what defines you to me. It never has and it never will. This is precious time, and I am so thankful for every second."

"I am too. I am too. You know I never talk much about your dad. When William left it wasn't because of my schizophrenia diagnosed. You know what he said when I was diagnosed." Spencer shook his head. "He said Diana, we are in this together, and I am with you every step of the way."

"I didn't know that." Spencer voice was quiet.

"I know you didn't. And he meant it. But then the meds. The meds I was on, they were... there were so many, so many side effects, that I stopped taking them. And of course, my condition got worse and worse, until I finally had to be hospitalised. And then it happened again. And again. In the end it was the rollercoaster. That was the part he couldn't deal with. And the thing is, even after he was gone, I kept thinking that somehow we would find our way back to each other.'

"You loved him."

"Yes. So, I waited. Year after year. And at some point, I knew it wouldn't happen. But I never let myself even consider a relationship with someone else."

"You think that what I'm doing? Closing myself off to other possibilities because I'm waiting for a life with JJ." Spencer deciphered.

"I hope not. Honey, life is long, it's hard and you deserve to have someone who will share all of it with you. All of it. You are already one step ahead. You let Olivia in."

Spencer's face fell at the mention of Olivia. "I messed up mom. I hurt her."

"I can't tell you what to do honey. What I can tell you is that she has always been there for you and when you first met her you couldn't stop talking about her or writing tome about her. So, the least you can do is be honest with her and yourself. Just don't make any hasty decisions that you'll regret after. And on last thing. Whatever you decide. Whether you stay with Olivia or JJ. Let the people you love know that you love them, before it's too late. Spencer Olivia is sweet girl. I know that she already knows hurt. I don't want her to see more hurt. Don't drag her onto a roller-coaster she doesn't want to ride."

"Thanks mom."

"You're welcome, honey. Now let me show you this piece of literature."

Spencer was grateful to have had this conversation with his mother. However, he was still confused.