Sorry | Spencer Reid Fanfic

Chapter 15- Is that what you want?

Once the team finally arrived back in Virginia, they were all swapped by paperwork. Before they knew it the sky outside was dark. Slowly one by one the number of occupants in the office dwindled.

At midnight Emily emerged from her office with her bags in tow. "Reid, you're still here?"

"I'm leaving now Emily." He pulled on his jacket.

"Alright. Good night. I'll see you next time we get a call into the office." Spencer nodded in acknowledgement.

It was almost 1 am when Spencer unlocked the apartment door. When he stepped inside the silent apartment, warmth spread over him. He lugged his bags up the stairs into the bedroom, trudging through the darkness. He opened the door to the bedroom but was surprised when he found the room vacant and in perfect order. He dropped his bags on the table and tip toed bag down the stairs following the warm light seeping from the office.

Spencer strode towards the office. Inside he found Olivia asleep with head resting against her files. He grabbed a blanket from the living room and draped it over her shoulders.

He took a seat at his desk across from hers. He rested his chin in his palm. Within minutes his eyes began dropping. As unconsciousness took over his head slipped off his hand, slamming against the table. "Ow." Spencer rubbed his forehead until he saw Olivia stirring across the room from him.

"Spencer?" She winced against the light from the lamp. "You're back?" She stretched her arms out in front of her.

"Yeah." He got up from his desk. "Let's get you to bed."

"No," she hastily replied, piling her files to one side.

"Liv you can't function on that little sleep. Look at me." Spencer moves Olivia's by her chin. He analyses her weary eyes. "You are so tired," he sighs. "Please just come to bed."

"I'm not sure I can." She uneasily glances up at the bedroom door.

"Why?"

"Are you serious?" She carried on tidying up her desk. "Are you actually serious?"

Spencer grabbed Olivia's arm to slow her down. "Olivia! Talk to me."

"Spencer. You're tired too. Get some rest."

"How am I supposed to sleep knowing that you won't sleep next to me."

"Spencer, just drop it please."

"I can't. I won't."

"Spencer, what do you want from me?" She drops everything in exhaustion.

"Answers," he deadpans.

"Fine. How can I sleep in there? Every time I open the door it feels wrong. You and JJ..."

"Let's not talk about Jennifer." He frowns.

"We have to. She is not going away. She is your best friend. How can I compete with that? I am never going to be her. You have loved her for what... seventeen years. I have only known you for five. You love her. Don't deny it. I can see it clear as day. And now you know that she loves you. What's going to stop this form happening again?" Olivia's voices rose slowly as tears brimmed in her eyes.

Spencer took Olivia's face in his hands. "I love you Liv."

"Not enough." Her tears fell down her cheeks.

"Let me make it up to you. I'll stay away from her."

Olivia shook her head. "That's not what I want."

"Liv, I'm trying here, but you're not letting me."

"Don't you think that if I tell you to do that, you'll slowly start resenting me. That's the last thing I want. Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I want this? What is want is for things to be the way they were before."

"So, let's be like that?"

"How can we? You are making decisions based on what you think will makes me happy, but I can see it making you resent me and that hurts even more. I want you to choose me because you want to, not because you have to."

"If I am making you unhappy, why don't you leave me?"

"Is that what you want?"

Spencer gulps uncomfortably. They stare at each other in silence.

"You think I didn't think about," Olivia's voice a mere whisper. "I did. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. As much as it hurt seeing that you loved someone else more than me it hurt more thinking about not having your love around me at all. Not waking up to next to me. Not walking into the house and seeing you reading on the chair. Not hearing your facts and statistics. Not feeling your warmth when we sit next to each other. Not hearing you whisper translations in my ear when we watch a movie." She trailed off as her voice trembled.

"I do love you, Olivia. I love you the most."

Olivia shook her head. "Don't lie. I'd rather you be honest."

"I'm not Olivia. Olivia I'm not," he sternly declared. "We can work on this. This is a test. I never fail tests."

Spencer's hand's trailed down Olivia's arm, clutching her hand and gently tugging her towards the bedroom. She hesitantly followed but let him lead her into the bedroom. She stood like a lost chid as Spencer pulled back the sheets and plumped the pillow. Spencer gently sat her down on the bed, crouching down next to her. "I'm not going to fail this test." He placed his hand on her legs, softly rubbing circles with his thumbs. He tucked her hair behind her ear.

Spencer got up from beside her, her shrugged off his jackets and unbuttoned his shirt. All the while Olivia sat in silence on the bed. He kicked off his trousers. He climbed into his side of the bed. He ran his hand over Olivia's back, until his hand landed on her shoulder. Olivia placed her hand over his. She shuffled back. Spencer lay back against his pillow and pulled Olivia into his chest.

The pair quickly fell asleep.