Sorry | Spencer Reid Fanfic

Chapter 13- Late night Rendezvous

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Spencer sat up too quickly. His head banged against the headboard. He cringed in pain, clutching the back of his head.

The door knocked again.

He flipped off his covers, swung his legs off the bed and stumbled towards the door.

"JJ?" Spencer groaned, rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the hallway light. JJ stood outside Spencer's hotel room door, her eyes red and puffy.

JJ collapsed against Spencer's bare chest. "I can't do this Spence." She sobbed into him. Her hand trembled as it rose to Spencer face. She leaned upwards, dragging Spencer into a kiss. Spencer's eyes widened. He felt himself being drawn in. He pulled JJ into his room by her shoulders, kicking the door. Spencer pushed JJ up against the closed door. He caressed her hair, thinking about all the times he had wished for this to happen since he had met her. JJ's leg automatically hooked around Spencer's waist and he lifted her up, so that both her legs were curved around his waist. He leaned into her more to hold her weight up against the cold oak door. All the while, his lips ravenously lapped against hers. JJ had her arms tightly wound around Spencer's neck, keeping herself up. Her nails dragged against her bare back, as she did Spencer's grip on her legs tightened in anticipation making her moan against his lips.

The moan woke him from his trance. His eyes snapped open and glared into JJ's. He dropped JJ's weight, so she was no longer cradled in his arms, and pulled away from her, while pressing her against the door with his hands, so that she wouldn't attack his lips again. Pulling away once was hard enough, he didn't think he could do it again.

"JJ we can't." Spencer stepped back from JJ, who was breathlessly panting against the door. Spencer turned away from JJ, resting his head in his hand.

"Spence..." JJ took a step towards him. She slid her hands through his arms from behind him, resting one of her palms against his chest and the other on his abdomen.

Spencer swiftly shrugs JJ off. "Jennifer. What are you doing? Stop." He shouted. He grabbed her shoulder's keeping her an arm's length away from him. "We can't do this?"

"I need this," she pleaded to him, her bottom lip quivering.

"You need Will and the boys." Spencer shook his head in disbelief. "I am trying to solve things with Liv. I can't. No, I won't break her trust again. You don't understand what she has done for me." Spencer's eyes were wild with pain.

JJ whacked Spencer's hands away. "And what about what I've done for you. I'm your best friend and you can't even look at me." JJ was in full defensive mode.

"And you wonder why," he indicted towards their current situation. He could see the agony coursing through JJ's body. He sighed in frustration. "JJ, I love you and you know it. I think you have known for years. And yes, I regret not making my move when I had a chance, but it is too late now." Spencer slumped down on the edge of his head. "I care about Liv. I can't hurt her. I promised I wouldn't hurt her and right now I'm the reason she has tears in her eyes. It makes my heart sink every time I think about it." He twiddled his thumbs, looking down in shame. "My feelings for you have been there for a long time but I have learnt to supress them, and that is what I am going to continue to do for the rest of my life. I love Liv. Maybe not like the way I have feelings for you, but love, nonetheless. I've never had to hide it. She makes me feel warm inside. When I'm around her I can't help but smile. She makes me feel comfortable. She makes me feel at home. She is my home. It makes me sick that it took almost losing her for me to realise that. The way I love you is different from the way I love Liv." Tears crept into his eyes, but Spencer didn't let them fall.

"You want to compromise with your life Spence?" JJ's sweet, innocuous voice was back. "Your life isn't an experiment. Do what's best for you? Don't let someone else dictate it."

Spencer scoffed. "If Liv is a compromise, then I might be the luckiest guy alive. And for your information Jennifer, I'm not letting anyone dictate my life. Liv has never once asked me for anything. In fact, she has always been the one who sacrifices for me, without any questions."

"Look Spence, I'm just telling you what I see as your friend."

"Well, it's coming across spiteful. You couldn't comprehend..."

"Whatever Spence." JJ rolled her eyes.

Spencer caught JJ's arm. "No. The way you're acting right now is preposterous. We are the ones making the mistakes and you're trying to shift blame on to Liv."

"Spence, it's not my fault that you can't see it. She isn't right for you. I saw it the first time I saw the two of you together. Do you even have anything in common? Does she understand you at all? Does she understand this lifestyle? You and her are from different worlds. Can't you see it? Your life is just monotonous. You're away and she's at home. When you're at home, she is away. Your upbring is different. Your lives are different. Your personality is different. You like coffee, she doesn't. You hate parties, she loves them. You put criminals in jail, she keeps them out. The only common denominator is that you live under one roof. She..."

Spencer cuts JJ off. "You don't know anything about her," he whispered in disgust. "And 'SHE' is my wife, so have some respect. I think it's best if you leave Jennifer."

Spencer held open the door for JJ, waiting for her to leave.

"You'll see Spence. Then you'll be the one coming to me." JJ faced Spencer, a smirk creeping onto her face.