Take a Chance on Me

Fifty-nine

Dear Chase,

I have learned that people are seen better through nostalgia than reality. Except for you. You're the exception.

I know that some of this might not make sense to you, or I might sound like I'm living in a different reality, but I want to be honest with you every step of the way. You deserve at least that much. 

There is so much I need to say to you. So, so much. But I want to start with this: thank you. Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what. You were by my side every step of the way, no matter how difficult it was for you. When I chose Alex, time and time again, you never gave up on me. You supported our relationship every single time, even though it wasn't in your best interest. 

I want to say that I am sorry. I am sorry for never giving you a chance until it was too late. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to realize that it was you, not him. When you expressed your feelings for me at Alex's party, I should have been honest with mine, but I chickened out. You were the one who gave me support when I needed it the most. You were always there when I needed you, but I wasn't there every time you needed me. Even at the end, when my dad was sick and I pushed you away, you came anyways. I am sorry that I thought fate was pointing me to Alex even though that airplane seat was yours. It was always supposed to be you. 

Lastly, I want to tell you something that I have been feeling for a long time. Something I should have told you a long time ago. I love you, Chase. I have for a long time, but I was trying to push those feelings away, as deep down as I possibly could because I thought I was supposed to be with someone else. But I was so wrong. I thought I was given all of these chances to work things out with Alex, but in reality, I came to learn that these chances were supposed to lead me to you. I know that you loved me at one point, but I understand if your feelings have changed. I would never blame you for moving on. But I need you to know that you are it for me. You are the one. And I would do anything to have a chance with you. 

Take a chance on me.

Love,

Leah

I fold the letter, slip it into the envelope, and seal it with a kiss for good luck. When I emerge from my bedroom, Gabby is sitting on the couch with Emily, waiting for me. 

Gabby gives Emily a look and Emily leaves the room, walks into Gabby's bedroom, and closes the door behind her, giving us space. "Leah, come sit here. I need to tell you something." Gabby pats the seat next to her and I take it, slightly confused. 

There's a silence lingering between us, like Gabby is worried or scared to deliver this news, but I break it. I need to give Chase this letter. I don't want to waste any more time without him knowing the truth. "What's wrong, Gabs?"

She takes a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I know why Alex broke up with you."

She's staring at me, worry in her eyes. But I will her to continue.

"He cheated on you. With Jen. That girl that was always all over him, the one he told you was just a friend. He cheated with her." Gabby's face is red and she's gritting her teeth. I've never seen her this mad in my entire life.

But I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm collected. I don't care what Alex did or who he did it with. I had the chance to make things work and there is a reason it never did. "Gabby, I don't care."

"You don't? How can you not care? Your boyfriend cheated on you. He's a cheating asshole and you don't care? You have been heartbroken for weeks and you suddenly don't care?"

I don't expect her to understand. She hasn't been in my shoes and she has no idea what I have been though. One night of sleep for her has been months for me. I've had a lot more time than her to move on. "I'm over it. I should have been a long time ago. There's no reason for me to waste any more time on the past."

Gabby is in complete shock, dumbfounded. "Well if you say so. But I'm still going to hate him for a long time, even if you don't."

I throw my arms around her. She's protective of her best friend and I could not be more grateful for her. "You hate him as much as you want. And thank you." I squeeze her harder and rest my head on her shoulder.

"I love you, Leah."

"I love you more, Gabby."

-

I park outside of Chase's house and walk to the front door with the letter in my hand. My whole body is trembling, willing me to get back into the car and drive back home, but this is something I need to do. I owe it to myself to make the right decision this time. 

I ring the doorbell and see a figure approaching the door through the glass. 

"Hey Leah. Alex isn't home."

Chase, in his 6'3 frame and chocolate hair, is standing in the doorway with his black Arctic Monkeys t-shirt and a book in his hand, his thumb holding his place. 

Speak, Leah. I take a deep breath and hand him the letter. "I was actually looking for you. This is for you."

He accepts the letter, flipping it over in his hands, inspecting what could be inside. "What is it?"

With a shaky breath I continue. "Just read it. And call me when you're ready, if you're ever ready, okay?" I turn my back and start walking away, unable to look at him. I'm scared. What if he opens it and burns it? What if I'm too late? What if he wants absolutely nothing to do with me anymore? What if he already found someone else?