Take a Chance on Me

Fifty-four

After my dad got home from the hospital I tried to spend every second with him. I tried to call out of work, I stayed at my childhood home, and I skipped any and all plans with Gabby and Alex. But after a week, my dad told me that I needed to stop shutting everyone out. He wanted our lives to go back to normal and me treating him like he was sick only made things worse for the both of us. So when Alex invited me over, my dad took my phone and responded yes for me.

When I walk inside, I peek around the door, trying to spot Alex. Without any luck, I walk down the hallway and into the kitchen and living room.

"Hey, Leah. Alex just hopped in the shower. He should be down in a few minutes." It's Chase, peering his eyes over the top of his book as he sinks into the couch.

"Oh okay. Um thanks." I start my awkward walk around the kitchen island, unsure of what to do until he gets out of the shower. The first time Alex and I dated, Chase grew to be one of my best friends. The second time we were great, until the drunken night in his room when he confessed his feelings for me. And this time, I can't seem to get past the seat on the airplane. I can't seem to befriend the guy who looks seriously distraught any time Alex and I are in physical contact with one another.

I pull out a seat at the table between the kitchen and living room, inspecting my nails because I desperately need to get them done and because I have nothing better to do. It is completely silent between the two of us, but I can cut the tension with a knife. Just keep your head down until Alex comes downstairs.

"You know, it's a lot comfier on the couch," he says, breaking the silence.

"Oh well I don't want to bother you in the middle of your book," I say, not wanting to sit there and stare at him while he reads.

"I just finished it."

Well, now I feel like I have to go over there. There's no excuse not to and I don't want things to be weird between the two of us. He is my boyfriend's best friend and we will be seeing a lot of each other. Better get used to it now.

I spot Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell on the table and instantly feel better. I've read this one. We actually have something in common. "How did you like it?"

"It was really good, but in a really fucked up way. I love mysteries and thrillers and I can usually separate my feelings from them as soon as I finish them, but this one really consumed me, probably because it can really happen to anyone."

That is exactly how I felt when I finished it. "I have a recommendation if you want? It's another mystery and it left me thinking about it for days after I finished it."

His eyes meet mine and I can tell that I have piqued his interest. "Yes, please."

"It's called The Night Swim, by Megan Goldin. It is about a case from 20 years prior that coincides with a current case. It's captivating."

"You know Leah," he says, taking a deep breath, "I never took you for a big reader."

"Well that's only because you don't know me that well, yet. I always have a book with me, especially on long flights, like when we first met."

His happy demeanor quickly fades when I mention the flight. Shit. Why did I do that?

"Oh yeah. The flight." The most disingenuous smile I have ever seen flashes across his face. "Funny story about that flight."

My heart is racing so fast it feels like it is going to beat out of my chest. What did I just start? Can I go back in time 30 seconds? I've gone back a full year, I don't see why I can't do 30 seconds.

"I was supposed to sit next to you, Leah. And I know you're with Alex, but this is probably my only opportunity to tell you that I wanted to sit with you because I think what we could have had could have been bigger than what you and Alex currently have."

He really did it. He went there. With Alex just upstairs and I don't have a way out of this mess. The worst part is that I agree. I know that if Chase sat in that seat that there could have been something real, but I do not want to be in the position of choosing between best friends. Between roommates. If he never said anything, we could have both continued on like everything was right in the world. But now that he put his feelings out there, I have to deal with them.

"I'm sorry, Chase, but I'm with Alex now and nothing will change that."

He shakes his head, almost laughing at the situation he has put himself in. "I know. I get that. I just wanted you to know that that was my seat, next to you."

Suddenly I feel a heat coursing through me, raging inside of me. I want to know what could have been if we sat together. I wish I could have had an opportunity to explore a relationship with him, but he left me with no choice. "Then why didn't you sit there? Why did you let Alex sit there?"

Chase tightens his hands into fists and grits his teeth. "Let him? You think I let him? He put me in an impossible position. You should have seen it, Leah. He wasn't giving me a choice. And if you haven't noticed yet, it's his way or the highway. You'll see that soon."

I hear footsteps upstairs signaling that Alex is out of the shower. He will be downstairs any minute.

"Chase, I don't know what to say. I'm with Alex and whatever could have happened didn't happen. I'm sorry." I'm not only sorry for him, but for myself. I'm confused and I do not want to come between friends. I wish things were different, that they weren't friends and I had the chance to meet them both, but that's not how life works. It's not always fair.

The doorbell rings, pulling both of us out of our little bubble. The pain in his eyes is so telling of his current feelings. How deep he must feel about his missed opportunity, so I do what I think is best, for both of us.

"I don't think we should be around each other. It's not good for either of us, and it's not fair to Alex."

Chase stares at me in disbelief and quickly swallows whatever words were about to come from his mouth. He nods. "Okay."

When he opens the door, I hear two familiar voices. Angela and George Holland. His parents. But more importantly, his dad. He is still alive. I walk towards them so that I can walk up the stairs, but before I can disappear, I hear his mom ask him who I am. I stop halfway up the stairs as to not be rude and walk back down to shake their hands.

"Hi, I'm Leah, Alex's girlfriend."

"It's so nice to meet you! I've heard a lot about you! I'm Angela and this is my husband, George. We are Chase's parents."

She's heard a lot about me. From Alex? Or Chase? Either way, I need to flee the situation. "It's so nice to meet you guys." Before I turn and make my way up the stairs, I look at Chase. He quickly diverts his eyes after half a second of contact and I turn my back on him.

I walk into Alex's room as he is throwing on a t-shirt and kiss him as hard as I can.

"Hey babe, what was that for?" he says, smirking and holding my waist.

"I just missed you. Let's get out of here."

"I thought we would eat here tonight? Chase's parents are coming. They are really fun to be around."

I grab his hand and pull him out of his room, towards the stairs and front door. "Let's go get dinner somewhere else, just the two of us."