Take a Chance on Me

Thirty-eight

When I get home around at around 12:30 am, I expect to join a sleeping Alex in my bed, but when I open the door, Alex is pacing the room. 

"Alex?" I softly close the door behind me and he stops in his tracks. His face is a mixture of distraught and anger. His face is bright red, but when his eyes meet mine, is slowly drains to a lighter shade of pink. 

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick about you. I called and texted you multiple times. Why didn't you respond?" He sits down on the couch and I take a seat next to him. I pull my phone out of my purse and click on my messages. 

5 unread messages from Alex

Then I open my call log.

3 missed calls from Alex

"I'm so sorry Alex. I had my phone on silent. I must have missed them." When I move my gaze from my phone to his face, he is slowly shaking his head, trying to swallow his frustration.

"Where were you, Leah? I woke up and you were gone. It freaked me out." He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. We fall back into the couch and the tension slowly eases away from our bodies. 

"I decided to reach out to Chase again, to see if he was okay. When you were worrying earlier, it got me a bit worried and I thought I might as well try. And he actually responded. So I brought him some brownies."

Alex pulls his arm out from around me and sits up straight. The tension he just lost immediately comes back. "You went to Chase's house? Without me? You knew how worried I was earlier and you thought it was a good idea to go alone? I'm his best friend, Leah. How could you do that to me?" His head falls into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Alex. I'm sorry. I really am. You were asleep and you seemed so tired and I didn't want to wake you. Now I realize that that was a bad idea. I'm so sorry Alex."  I begin to rub his back, to try to calm him down, but he gets to his feet and walks away from the couch. He begins pacing again, back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. 

He finally stops and looks me dead in the eye. "Well, how is he? He wouldn't respond to me but he hung out with you. So how is he?" His words are filled with frustration, but more so concern for his best friend.

"He's okay. Better than I thought he would be. I think he was willing to talk to me because I understand what he's going through. It's nothing against you, Alex. He hasn't talked to anyone yet." I want Alex to know that I never meant to hurt him. I want him to know that Chase never meant to hurt him. In this situation I only thought about Chase and what he is going through. 

He looks away from me and nods his head, then starts heading towards my bedroom. I follow behind him so that we can both go to sleep. The clock on my bedside table reads 1:03 am. We both need to relax and get a good night's rest.

But after I change into my pajamas, I notice that he is gathering his things. He puts on his jacket and slips on his shoes and heads towards the door. 

"Wait, Alex. Where are you going? It's late." I chase him out of my room and try to grab his hand, but he pulls away. He grabs the door handle and starts to open it. I try to push it shut but he's much stronger than I am. He pulls it back open and has one foot out the door.

"Alex! Talk to me! Please don't leave like this. I said I was sorry. I know I messed up."

He turns around. He doesn't look mad. He looks sad. And disappointed. "Leah, this isn't going to be solved tonight. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the situation. Please, just give me some time. I'll call you, okay? I just need some time."

I don't have any words. There's nothing I can say to make him stay and I'm not okay with him leaving like this. So I nod and let him leave. 

I close the door and go back to my bedroom. I rest my head on my pillow and pull my blankets completely over my head. Once I am in complete solitude I allow myself to cry. I cry for Alex, for betraying him and visiting his grieving best friend without him. I cry for Chase, because I don't to ruin his friendship with Alex right after he lost his dad. And I cry for myself, for being so, so stupid.