No, Way [Mafia Gerard Way x Female reader]

Chapter 25: opening up

After yesterday's outburst Gee didn't let me go anywhere alone or out of sight I hated it I hated him, I hated myself all I wanted was to get my son and leave but that wasn't happening we all knew that. Gerard was letting me see my son again today which I was happy about but it shouldn't even be a discussion after all I birthed him.

After we'd got up this morning I made Gee some breakfast I didn't really want to but I wanted to get back on his good side although I didn't see that happening anytime soon. "You should cook for me more often, sugar" Gee smiled at me but I just sighed "yeah maybe" which in my mind meant no.

Gerard took my hand and we went to the nursery to see Jamie at this point I was starting to wonder if he even recognised me he barely took any notice of me but when he saw Gee he smiled "d-d-" he said which I'm pretty sure he was trying to say 'dad' or something along those lines which broke my heart Gee picked him up "and who's this?" He asked Jamie looking at me but he just cried as if I was a stranger trying to take him away from his family I shook my head "is that your mum?" Gee asked Jamie but unfortunately he was too young and could barely talk so I couldn't tell if he even knew who I was, he rested his head on Gerard's shoulder and diverted his eyes away from me. My own son hated me and my 'husband' was just a bad person.

Gerard's pov:
Yes I wanted to hurt y/n because she's been misbehaving a lot recently but I didn't want my son to not know her I felt bad to be honest she looked heartbroken and I was for her but who's to blame? Me I've taken this too far I wanted to hurt her but not this bad I didn't plan on destroying her I love her I really do and the last thing I wanted was this I need to make it up to her but I don't know how.

Y/n pov:
"I'm sorry sugar I'm so so sorry" Gerard said apologising something he didn't do very often but I guess even he knew he'd taken it too far this time. He gave me a cuddle from behind and kissed the side of my neck "I'll make it up to you baby you can see him everyday" he said wiping a tear from my eye I didn't say a word I just nodded slightly I just felt numb "you know I love you right I didn't want to hurt you that bad you know" he said softly he took my hand "I don't wanna see him now Gee I wanna die..." I said sadly and when I said that I really meant it Jamie was the only proper family I have I suppose and he doesn't even know me "don't say that" Gee said sadly in my ear "I want you, you mean everything to me baby you're my everything sugar" he said as he placed Jamie back in his bed and we left to the living room.

When we got downstairs I sat on the sofa and cuddled up with him "I'm sorry for everything Gerard" I sighed "I'm sorry, sugar, I never meant to hurt you as bad as I have" he said kissing the top of my head and then continuing "I love you a lot and I've never felt love before not properly and with you I feel special I guess I just don't like to feel weak I like to be in control and as a result I've hurt you so much" he said sadly caressing my face as tears formed in my eyes but I didn't look up to him I took a deep breath and spoke "I'm sorry Gee I'm sorry you know I never felt love either my parents would ignore me or use me and that's how I wound up here and I don't know how to love someone and now here we are-" I had to pick my next words very careful because I know how Gee gets he can be really soft and sweet and then all of a sudden violent and harsh "here I am with you I'm not sure if this is love Gee but I do care about you I do have feelings for you" I said turning my body around to face him both our eyes were watery but I'm glad he opened up to me "I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" he said bending his head down a little to place a kiss on my forehead "I'm sorry for everything" he said "I'm sorry for the other day I shouldn't've lost it like that" "it's okay  we can get through this together" he smiled down at me "I want to be yours Gerard I want to be with you" I admitted to him "I'm glad you feel the same sweetheart because I want you to be all mine as well"