No, Way [Mafia Gerard Way x Female reader]

Chapter 9: I can't believe you're mine

The next morning I awoke in bed beside him so he must've carried me up with him. I could still feel the absolute agony that he'd inflicted on my arm the night before.

After not too long of me being awake he opened his eyes and glanced over at me "good morning, sweetheart" he said in a soft voice while staying in the same position in fear of angering him again I nodded and said "morning, Gerard" I never knew what mood he'd be in when he woke up in the mornings but I began to learn to just obey him, to just do as he'd want me to even if inside I felt I was betraying myself it was better that than hours of torture and pain.

We both just lay there still for a bit. He didn't dare come closer to me I don't think it was out of fear but maybe he'd started to realise how much damage he'd caused to me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye too scared to move my head and he saw me and for half a second we made awkward eye contact and I looked away as quickly as possible and he sighed "I know I've hurt you, sugar" he said to me which was the first time he'd actually admitted out loud that he'd done wrong even if he wasn't going to apologise it's progress I guess, then he turned to me "but I need you you're mine, I can't have you escaping" he said softly as I felt his warm breath in my ear I just nodded shyly what was I supposed to say 'I hate you let me go' no not likely I'd tried too many times and I didn't have the energy to retaliate anymore. That knife in my arm yesterday was the final straw. I finally gave in to him. "I'm sorry, Gerard, I know I always say that but I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt you" I began to cry maybe all of this was my fault maybe if I'd've liked him back in the first place all this wouldn't've happened but then I remembered all the things he'd done to me and I was just uncontrollably crying, he took me into his arms. I didn't stop him. I just rested my head on his shoulder and sobbed into his hair as he rubbed my back. I hated how comforting I found this considering he was the reason for my tears in the first place "it's okay as long as you know you did wrong, sweetheart, and you stay here with me, I'll try not to hurt you anymore" he whispered to me I just nodded into him "shhh shh it'll be alright" he reassured me I didn't want this but it was better this than being branded on the arm with a knife.

I'd never been this close to him and not been terrified before. I didn't know how to feel, it was less than 24 hours since he'd engraved my arm with his last name and now here I was letting him hold me. Letting him comfort me. I never really liked myself, but this made me hate myself even more than ever, if anything I deserve everything he's done to me because I let it happen, I tried to push these thoughts away but it's hard and especially since I have no one to talk to that would understand me, only Gerard and I couldn't exactly tell him now could I. "You just need to behave better I know you can, I've seen you be a good girl for me before" he said gently and pulling me from his shoulder and cupping my face whilst staring into my eyes "I know" I told him. He really had broken me I thought I was fucked up enough with the type of family I had back at home but this was a whole new level of broken. He wiped a tear from my cheek using his thumb and kissed my cheek.

"We should get up now" he cooed quietly whilst still holding my face I slowly nodded and he took his hands away from my face. It was so strange to me how such a violent, evil man had such a soft, gently touch. I rubbed my eyes and he took the covers off of us both. Gerard had an en-suite bathroom so he didn't have far to go anyway "sweetheart, I've got to have a shower and get dressed I'll only be in here" he said gesturing towards the bathroom door "you can come in if you need anything I won't lock the door" he said gently and slipping in a little wink. He always did this where he really was quite sweet for a bit but then he went back to being nauseating as usual, I smiled weakly and rolled my eyes at him. He laughed a little and then went into the bathroom. I'd never seen him happy like this before, did I really mean that much to him? Did I actually make him happy?

I got up out of bed and put on a short black skirt that only went half way up my thighs and then I saw one of Gerard's T-shirt's on the clean pile of washing on a stall, I wanted to please him so bad after seeing how happy I made him I didn't know why especially after all he'd done to me. I decided to wear his t-shirt I know he likes me to dress all provocative for him but I hated wearing those skimpy tops. Then I just sat on the floor with my legs crossed and hands in my lap. I wanted to make him happy but I didn't have any intention in loving him and certainly not sleeping with him.

I'd been sitting on the white carpet for around five minutes when I saw the bathroom door handle move and he opened the door he was fully dressed in a black suit and tie with a white shirt underneath his black jacket and waistcoat, he smelt really nice and his hair was still wet. I just sat there looking innocently up at him.

Gerard's pov:

I just came out of the bathroom to see y/n sitting there on the floor looking up at me I noticed she was wearing my t-shirt, she really did look cute I'm glad that she's slowly warming to me now. I know engraving my name on her arms is cruel but I think it's what she needed to finally see that she's mine and I love her I really do, a lot. Her pretty little face was just staring up at me but I could still see hurt in her eyes but I'd rather her fear me than let her escape.

Back to y/n's pov:

He just looked at me for a second then he came over to me and touched my face gently cupping it with one hand and lifting my face up to look at him "you look beautiful, sugar, I can't believe you're mine" he smiled at me, I can't believe I'm his either and I really wish I wasn't. But I just smiled back at him, him being nice was so rare and I didn't want him to lose that feeling.